I’ve done some bad things in my life. I’ve made people cry. I’ve spread rumours. I’ve caused others to hurt. And perhaps I am not unique in this, but it affects me all the same. I don’t like knowing that I have injured another. It doesn’t sit well with me. For a long time I took on the shame of it in quiet resentment. I felt like a bad person who could be found out at any moment. Oh, you may think I’m nice, but if you only knew!…
And so I began to pretty up the other shades of me. Shades that were lighter, less complex and easier to look at. I forgave myself those times I was lazy. I released the ungrateful daughter in me. I embraced the vain Danielle who wanted sexy heels.
But in the shadows… She lurked. She was always there.
“Don’t think you can deny me,” she’d say. “I’ll pop up when you’re not looking. I’ll just wait until you’re overwhelmed…until you’re too busy feeling afraid and then boom! There I’ll be.”
And I’d gulp and fight back the tears. How could this be? I’ve worked so hard! I’ve prayed! I’ve meditated! I’ve forgiven! Why won’t she go away?
“I won’t be ignored” she answered.
And so it is with strength, hope and just a little trepidation that I introduce to you: my dark side.
She looks like me. Talks like me (only louder). She’s a part of me. And I’ve revealed her today because I realize now she is nothing to fear. Yes she yells, she grabs, she scoffs and she slams doors, but she’s harmless. No need for guilt; no need for shame. She is not the truth of who I am.
Oh no.
She is the part of me who appears when I forget who I am. Because who I am is kind. Who I am is compassionate. Who I am is love. And that, my friends, is the truth.
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