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Permalink Reply by Aria E. Appleford on August 15, 2011 at 9:02pm

Wow interesting topic.  As a victim of abuse and lies I have fought my whole life to trust my own perspective and to be willing to talk about it.  I struggle to write what I know.  I don't care so much about whether others are hurt by what I say, and there may very well be some arrests ... it is not my intent to deal with the "justice" of any of it.  I simply have to, before I die, tell my story.  The sad part is that I am not sure that verifiable facts will help to tell the truth of the whole situation and to that end, I may never know who I really am.

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Permalink Reply by Debra Shawcross Farmer on August 15, 2011 at 9:19pm

Hi Aria...now I know why I have connected so strongly to your blog posts....I think you have nailed it for me ...for me it is my Deepest Truth...about how I have forgiveness yet there is no forgiveness from others ...who were the abusers...just denial.  I am Standing up for me...finding me...and writing my memoir helped do that.  I care deeply about it.  As from your words...you do too.  I think it is our right to tell our story... In my case I had a guiding hand..and I think all writers have that connection...to Faith...or whoever our Higher Power might be.

Thanks for your input...could you share your link to the Perception, Truth and Fact post here.  I Enjoy your blog so very much. <Deb (Debra Shawcross Farmer Love Hearts Found...on facebook)

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Permalink Reply by Doreen McGettigan on August 16, 2011 at 9:14am

That is so sad.  I too have been the victim of abuse and lies and I believe thats what my family members are afraid of reading.  I actually just skimmed that surface in my book.  I may put that [life] in another memoir!

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Permalink Reply by Debra Shawcross Farmer on August 16, 2011 at 9:23am

I do not want to be sad about the past anymore...writing helps to move forward.  We have the right I feel to express that ...that we could not say to the people who had control over us.  In my case it was emotional abuse from prominent people in my life.  Not because I was weak ...but because they had mis use of power.  I am a good heart and soul and ....  took advantage of that.  It has been proven and validated by Professionals.  So  all the power comes back to me through my words... on paper are very powerful too.  I think SHE Writers is so important...from the many stories I have read...we all want to be heard...Thanks Doreen so good to connect with others on this subject. 

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Permalink Reply by Aria E. Appleford on August 15, 2011 at 9:30pm

http://forkednighties.blogspot.com/2011/08/lies-vstruth-facts-persp...

 

I started writing my story as a blog, trying to find the courage to go through it all.  It is an unended story as I still don't have all the answers and the there are no neat packages along the way .. I have my memories, I have facts I can prove, I have the lies and somewhere in there I am assuming there is truth .. but I don't know for sure what it is.  I have about 200 entries that I then hid the blog (lol) and am stuck in the middle of it ... I have been thinking about starting it again .. funny how life keeps going round and round and bringing me back face to face with this.   I joined She Writes and kept coming here and asking myself what I was doing .. hahahaha.  Life is like that for me often ... I have learned not to argue and wait and see.  Why are you doing this?  No idea but I have to .. hoping I will find out soon.  OK maybe that makes no sense to anyone else but me but this moment is one of those crystal clear moments for me where I cry a bit and realize there is a purpose to all of this even if I am abysmally lost at times.  :)

 

 

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Permalink Reply by Debra Shawcross Farmer on August 16, 2011 at 9:27am

The more and more I open my mind to my Life...and the BIG question...the more I come to understand we are all connected to situations for a reason.  As an example....I have known many women ...yet some I will never really know due to a disconnection with self.  As writers I feel we are fully in tune...or through our writing...become more in tune with who we really are...I love that connection ...shared connection on SHE Writes...so many wonderful Inspirational women here.  By the way, I love the crystal clear moments...they come often with the writing process....So Good. <3 

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Permalink Reply by Sharon Cathcart on August 16, 2011 at 9:37am

A memoir is your recollections of an event.  However, when you talk about others, they may not have the same recollection.

 

That said, in "You Had to Be There: Three Years of Mayhem and Bad Decisions in the Portland Music Scene," I changed some people's names or referred to them obliquely because I did not know how to reach them for permission to use their real names.  I think it's a matter of ethics, myself.  One musician with whom I worked is now a professor at a very conservative university and did not want his name used. It would be very unethical for me to have done so with that piece of information readily available to me.  When in doubt, ask.

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Permalink Reply by Debra Shawcross Farmer on August 16, 2011 at 8:17pm

Hi Sharon, you nailed it in the first paragraph... (For me...however without knowing the LAW behind it.... to change names would make the memoir fictional...rather than non-fiction...my truth.) 

Absolutely love the Title of your work...so Good.  "You had to be there.... is such a Brilliant catchy title.  I would love to read this book. <3 Deb

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Permalink Reply by Debra Shawcross Farmer on September 18, 2011 at 10:02am

I have been researching this topic...and I have found the Australian Law to state..that it is not Defamation if it is TRUTH and of Honest Opinion...and without Malice. 

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