"It's a struggle at times, but I try to make sure that each thing, each child, each chore gets a certain amount of time in my day, so that way when the unexpected happens I don't feel so overwhelmed. But really I am overwhelmed all…"
Opening Lines
What is the first sentence of your work-in-progress? Post it here, and get feedback from your fellow She Writers about whether your opening line leaves them wanting more. And don't forget to take some time to read other writers' first words, too.
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Nancy Mueller on -
Of course, I want to know more. The first time really gets my attention.
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Permalink Reply by Wendy Roberts on -
Agreed! ...but beware of passive voice! Can you reword the sentence to eliminate the weak verb "was"? Something like "The first time a monster attacked me, xyz... Then maybe specify how the narrator is alone that gives the reader an immediate sense of place: ...sat in an abandoned bus station, or whatever she is doing at that moment :)
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Permalink Reply by Barbara Shallue on -
I agree with W.T.'s suggestions - I'm hooked, but it feels passive.
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Permalink Reply by Katrina Harrmann on -
GREAT tips! Thanks you guys!! :)
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Permalink Reply by Beth Whitcomb on -
I love it. It could be funny. It could be serious. It has enough to make me read the next line to find out.
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Permalink Reply by Barbara Shallue on
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No place in the world is lonelier than a train station the moment you realize you’ve been forgotten.
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Permalink Reply by Nancy Mueller on
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This sets the tone right away. I want to read this story.
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Permalink Reply by Ruth Madison on -
Agreed! It conjures a familiar feeling of being forgotten, ignored, not wanted that we all experience at some point. I definitely want to know more and I already feel extremely sympathetic to this character.
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Permalink Reply by Alexandra Wright on -
I love it!
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Permalink Reply by Gale Martin on -
I eased my black Jetta, freshly washed and Quik-waxed, into a parking space half a block from the diner.
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Permalink Reply by Nancy Mueller on
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I like everything about this sentence, Gale: "eased into" etc. Very specific & paints a vivid image!
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Permalink Reply by Gale Martin on
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Thanks for the prompt feedback. A woman in my writing group, I really trust her-- told me my novel started there for her. So I chucked everything before it and started there. I'm delighted to hear it's working.
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