What is the first sentence of your work-in-progress?  Post it here, and get feedback from your fellow She Writers about whether your opening line leaves them wanting more.  And don't forget to take some time to read other writers' first words, too.

Views: 2298

Reply to This

Replies to This Discussion

Of course, I want to know more. The first time really gets my attention.
Agreed!  ...but beware of passive voice!  Can you reword the sentence to eliminate the weak verb "was"?  Something like  "The first time a monster attacked me, xyz...  Then maybe specify how the narrator is alone that gives the reader an immediate sense of place: ...sat in an abandoned bus station, or whatever she is doing at that moment :)
I agree with W.T.'s suggestions - I'm hooked, but it feels passive.
GREAT tips! Thanks you guys!! :)
I love it. It could be funny. It could be serious. It has enough to make me read the next line to find out.
No place in the world is lonelier than a train station the moment you realize you’ve been forgotten.
This sets the tone right away. I want to read this story.
Agreed!  It conjures a familiar feeling of being forgotten, ignored, not wanted that we all experience at some point.  I definitely want to know more and I already feel extremely sympathetic to this character.
I love it!
I eased my black Jetta, freshly washed and Quik-waxed, into a parking space half a block from the diner.
I like everything about this sentence, Gale: "eased into" etc. Very specific & paints a vivid image!
Thanks for the prompt feedback. A woman in my writing group, I really trust her-- told me my novel started there for her. So I chucked everything before it and started there. I'm delighted to hear it's working.

RSS

Latest Activity

Faydra Deon posted a blog post
52 minutes ago
Lisa Thomson replied to the discussion 'What did you blog about today?' in the group Bloggers: Let's Make It Work!
"A twist on Paul Simon's classic 50 Ways to Leave your Husband.  Did you hear about the 50 ways? http://www.lisathomsonlive.com/50-ways-to-leave-your-husband-2/"
1 hour ago
Greg house posted a status
"RANGERS VS BRUINS LIVE STREAM http://youtu.be/dpj4Smrk0gQ"
2 hours ago
Greg house posted a status
"RANGERS VS BRUINS LIVE STREAM http://youtu.be/dpj4Smrk0gQ"
2 hours ago

Members

Badge

Loading…

© 2013   Created by Kamy Wicoff.

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service