Opening Lines
What is the first sentence of your work-in-progress? Post it here, and get feedback from your fellow She Writers about whether your opening line leaves them wanting more. And don't forget to take some time to read other writers' first words, too.
Replies to This Discussion
-
Permalink Reply by Nancy Mueller on -
Neighborly - or neighbor?
-
Permalink Reply by Kendra L. Woods on -
Neighborly. But your question shows that there's confusion I need to clean up. Originally, 'neighborly' didn't exist in the sentence.
Thanks for your reply.
K
-
Permalink Reply by Deb McLeod on -
There is a ritual excarnation that must be done when your mother dies; a divestiture of stories and habits peeled from your body like flesh from bone.
-
Permalink Reply by Ruth Madison on -
It's true and intriguing. The language is pretty, but I don't know if it's serving the story or just there to be pretty. Is the whole story written with these kinds of words? Personally, it's too...um...pretentious-sounding for me to want to read, but it might appeal to a different kind of reader.
-
Permalink Reply by Deb McLeod on
-
These are the first two lines of the prologue which is written in this language but the book itself is not. Thanks for your feedback.
-
Permalink Reply by Deb McLeod on
-
Thanks!
-
Permalink Reply by Gale Martin on -
I really responded to this. It intrigued me because of words like excarnation and divestiture combined with the image of flesh peeled from bone. I'm in!
-
Permalink Reply by Deb McLeod on
-
Thank you for this. So nice to get the encouragement.
-
Permalink Reply by Nancy Mueller on
-
"Excarnation" stops me. I want to know why.
-
Permalink Reply by Deb McLeod on
-
Thanks for your feedback.
-
Permalink Reply by Kendra L. Woods on
-
This is a powerful image. The "excarnation" is intriguing, I agree. For me, though, it's too close to the "peeled from your body like flesh from bone" language (I love this, by the way). So, it's a repetitive image. Overall, the point you're making is such a true, deep statement. The simple language of the last part works so well; this is what makes me want to read more. On that note, I think the combination of excarnation and divestiture is a mouthful for a simpleton like me...but I think others might disagree. I always lean toward simple language.
I love the image and would be interested in reading your first line of the first chapter (since this is prologue) if you'd be willing to share.
Thanks,
K
-
Permalink Reply by Deb McLeod on
-
You are exactly right about the repetitive image. Not sure it worked so thanks for your feedback. I've gotten mixed comments on it. Of course I'll share! Thanks for asking.
The book itself starts with an epigraph (from me - not a quote):
Narcissus was fascinated with his image in the pond, and Echo,
perhaps Echo was not fascinated with Narcissus, but with his visibility.My name is Laura but my mother often called me Ro – the name of her younger sister.
Latest Activity
Claire McAlpine left a comment for Neelima Vinod"So pleased to see you here Neelima, I am sure you will pick up some important learnings and it is a good place to share your questions."
Mayra Calvani posted a blog postInterview with Juana Bordas, Author of ‘The Power of Latino Leadership: Culture, Inclusion, and Contribution’
It’s a pleasure to have as my guest Juana Bordas today. Bordas is president of Mestiza Leadership International, a company that focuses on diversity, leadership and organizational change, as well as founding President of the National Hispana…See More
Lynelle Clark posted a discussionGive Away and Interview with Glyn Smith
Give away from June 19 - 26, 2013The give away is very easy, just answer the question in regards to the Interview I had with Glyn Smith, leave a comment on my blog with your email address, and country and you can win a signed copy of one of his…See More
Top Content
Badge
© 2013 Created by Kamy Wicoff.
|
|
|||||||||||||||||||||
