You are exactly right about the repetitive image. Not sure it worked so thanks for your feedback. I've gotten mixed comments on it. Of course I'll share! Thanks for asking.
The book itself starts with an epigraph (from me - not a quote):
Narcissus was fascinated with his image in the pond, and Echo,
perhaps Echo was not fascinated with Narcissus, but with his visibility.
My name is Laura but my mother often called me Ro – the name of her younger sister.
They tell you not to start with the "my name is", but it works for me in your case. I'd read on. It raises questions.
As for an epigraph, I usually skip over it knowing I won't fully understand it until I get into the meat of the story. In the beginning, epigraphs belong to the author. At the end, they belong to the story and the reader. Although, I did ponder yours - because it created curiousity. I liked it. And I like the idea of myths shaping real life. Overall, I think epigraphs should be at the end when you wish it wouldn't end...when you're looking for something to ponder and stick with you. Just personal opinion.
So, you had me at "peeled from your body like flesh from bone" and wanting more with the 1st line of the 1st chapter.
Hope I helped. Again, you hooked me. Thanks for sharing. Write on,
You can't be too careful when you're playing with someone's dreams. More importantly, someone's mind.
(I'm not sure if I'm supposed to include this, but...)
Taken from REM, a YA sci-fi/psychological thriller about a group of boarding school students who discover a machine that can record their dreams and allow them to watch them while they are awake. Their experiment brings on extraordinary results and dire consequences.
How about "......someone's dreams or more importantly someone's mind."
Otherwise it's a very intriguing premise for a YA book.
Standing barefoot on the front step of our B Street row house when I was fifteen, I watched the boys on my block play stickball and my toes froze and prickled as if I’d dipped them into a bucket of ice cubes. It was July.
1st line in ANGEL KEMORY:
A gust of wind followed by a thump and crash jolted Millie from her late-night cross stitching.
1st line in SYDNEY'S SPACESHIP:
Ma signed me out of Oak Tree Institution in March, and just like the last time my shrink told her it was too soon.