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Opening Lines
What is the first sentence of your work-in-progress? Post it here, and get feedback from your fellow She Writers about whether your opening line leaves them wanting more. And don't forget to take some time to read other writers' first words, too.
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Ellen Estilai on -
Hmmmm....That is cringeworthy. Sorry, Courtney, I don't know where that came from--I'll have to be more careful.
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Permalink Reply by Andrea Heiberg on
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Hi Courtney, I don't hope that it is too late to reply. I also like the 'dared' - but I wouldn't open with a name (I would release it later). Otherwise the opening works great for me.
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Permalink Reply by Kristen Taber on -
Courtney, I like this, but I would recommend deleting the first "that". It's unnecessary to the sentence. Also, I feel that "up" is, as well (unless, of course, you're speaking of a tornado or something else that pulls her "up"; then it would be appropriate and not extraneous). I also wonder if the sentence might be stronger as two sentences (as shown below). Just my two cents.
It leaves me curious though, so well done!
Candace Wright never dared to think she would be swallowed by a force of nature. That was her undoing.
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Courtney, my stories will always be my stories - but I like to catch attension within the opening lines. And I feel so humble and grateful whenever a reader makes my stories her/his own. For instance when somebody who is a complete stranger to me, from Australia, from the other side of my world, writes to me that I can convert people who wouldn't read short stories - convert them, so they love short stories. Well, then I feel so happy and feel so lucky that my words got published. And I understand that they aren't entirely my stories anymore because I shared them. That's a precious feeling.
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Courtney, it does sell since this Australian reader is head of the Scandinavian bookclub in Brisbane. But again, the opening lines! I worked so hard on the opening lines. I knew and I know I have up to 5 minutes to catch a possible reader - and I'm even a Dane - so who'd read my stories in English?
The opening lines are so important - they must carry the essense of the entire book! So you just carry on and the way I see it, you are doing fine.
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Permalink Reply by Kristen Taber on
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well said!
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Permalink Reply by Sandra L Keith on -
Neither Jim nor I expected the baby to die.
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Sandra, I'd like to say something comforting to this opening line. I think it bears my nightmares back then, many years ago, when I was young. And I'm not sure, I can be any good judge considering your line but to be honest, I would be scared to read on. But that's just me. I don't know how you convey such an important story because I couldn't write it. Only I think that I would open with what a wonderful little son or little daughter - and I would write: "I have."
Thanks for sharing.
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Permalink Reply by Sandra L Keith on
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The only reason I can write it is because 50 years have passed. I'm working on the story on and off. Someday it will show up on my blog. Till then, thank you for the input.
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Permalink Reply by Kristen Taber on
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I love the impact of this line. It makes me gasp, and wonder about the story behind it.
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Permalink Reply by Ellen Estilai on
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Sandra, this is very strong. It's painful to read, but I would read on, because it has such honesty.
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Permalink Reply by christine paulino on
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I would agree the frank line is painful but it conveys the reality of the parents. One can hear the shock in it. So, we want to know what happened because this is the kind of grief no parents wants but must share to get rid of it.
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