"reading my novels, "River,Cross My Heart" and "Stand The Storm" at the Anacostia Community Museum on May 26th at 2p - http://ning.it/12r8teM"
Opening Lines
What is the first sentence of your work-in-progress? Post it here, and get feedback from your fellow She Writers about whether your opening line leaves them wanting more. And don't forget to take some time to read other writers' first words, too.
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by christine paulino on -
I would agree the frank line is painful but it conveys the reality of the parents. One can hear the shock in it. So, we want to know what happened because this is the kind of grief no parents wants but must share to get rid of it.
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Permalink Reply by Sandra L Keith on
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It is a true story told 50 years after the fact. I'm working on it off and on.
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Permalink Reply by Tanya Buck on -
The worm is winning and I don't want that to happen.
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Permalink Reply by Tanya Buck on
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The worm is winning and I don't want that to happen.
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Permalink Reply by Sandra L Keith on
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No one gets up in the morning and says to themself, "Today I will become a widow."
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Permalink Reply by christine paulino on
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Nor do they say today I will lose my job or get divorced or anything else. When we get up the possibilities of the day are so open anything can happen and will.
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Permalink Reply by Pooja Pillai on -
About a year after we got married, I asked J how he could find it in himself to forgive me.
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Permalink Reply by Pooja Pillai on
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Thank you so much Courtney!
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Permalink Reply by Barbara Shallue on -
Grabs me right away - I want to know what needs to be forgiven!
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Permalink Reply by Pooja Pillai on
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Yes, I think removing the 'about' will bring more focus into the sentence. Also, next line is:
'He looked at me. "I just did," he said, and went back to his computer screen.'
I's hoping it doesn't act as a damp squib on the first line. The 'sin' is the pivot of the whole story and I'm hoping to bring it to light only gradually. But I also don't want to frustrate my readers, so I would appreciate it if you could tell me how soon you would want to know what it is.
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Permalink Reply by Barbara Shallue on
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I think this is okay - keeps us wondering, perhaps even a little more. Perhaps change the structure of the sentences to make them more dramatic, although I haven't come up with a good alternative.
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Permalink Reply by Pooja Pillai on
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hmmm...ok. I suppose it is a bit of a let down in terms of drama. Would it make more sense if I dropped a bigger hint of what needed to be forgiven? It's just that in my current plot structure, the revelation comes somewhere in the middle of the story, and then we see what the consequences are. It's mostly flashback.
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