I agree DelRica. I also think starting with "I have to end this before he kills me.", and then going on with how the author has written it with some minor edits will keep it different and compelling. I like a first line that intrigues me and draws me in.
Starlight rarely graced the leaf strewn floor of Naresdim.
Thanks! Next line is 'The darkness of the great forest held strong, even when the sun shone bright above the impenetrable canopy.'
I've put less thought into the second line...and the rest of the chapter for that matter!
LOL. Well, your imagery still holds strong. I'm interested to see what happens next. Although I'm not sure the contrast between night and day flows (maybe add "by day" after even?), I suspect in this case it's impossible to know where the story is going quite yet, and that you will have surprises. I'm already attached.
(fyi, I'm also Wood. I accidentally signed in on the wrong account. Didn't even realized I had that log-in here.)
I'm glad I've got your interest, that's an important thing. And I know what you mean about the night and day stuff. Except for the first line, the opening paragraph has been one of those bits I just can't get quite right. I'm still wrestling with it though, so we'll see where it ends up!
Oh, cool, thanks for letting me know!
I love this. Nice imagery in so few words. I'm with Courtney. I'd love to know the next line.
Thanks, I'm glad you like it! Next line is above ^.
You guessed it!
I’m still surprised when thinking of this woman who put so much effort in getting a photo of me and not because I look gorgeous in any way but because she wanted to stick my eyes out on it with a needle – you see, she had this voodoo tendency.
If this were shortened a bit or made into two sentences, it would have a harder 'hit' for me. I like the way it is written, but had to read it twice to feel any true impact. What if you start with: "This woman (or her name or A woman) put a lot of effort into getting a photo of me. Not because I'm famous or gorgeous but because she wanted to stick my eyes out on it with a needle – you see, she had this voodoo tendency."
Something in that vein....?
@Courtney, thanks, it feels so great when the words suddenly work right. I'll head on.