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Opening Lines
What is the first sentence of your work-in-progress? Post it here, and get feedback from your fellow She Writers about whether your opening line leaves them wanting more. And don't forget to take some time to read other writers' first words, too.
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Tanya Buck on -
I agree DelRica. I also think starting with "I have to end this before he kills me.", and then going on with how the author has written it with some minor edits will keep it different and compelling. I like a first line that intrigues me and draws me in.
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Permalink Reply by DelRica Jackson on -
"Have a nice day." I can't believe she said that to me after the day I've had. And with such a cheerful smile in her voice. Who does that?
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Permalink Reply by Charlotte Elise on -
Starlight rarely graced the leaf strewn floor of Naresdim.
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Permalink Reply by Charlotte Elise on
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Thanks! Next line is 'The darkness of the great forest held strong, even when the sun shone bright above the impenetrable canopy.'
I've put less thought into the second line...and the rest of the chapter for that matter!
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Permalink Reply by Kristen Taber on -
LOL. Well, your imagery still holds strong. I'm interested to see what happens next. Although I'm not sure the contrast between night and day flows (maybe add "by day" after even?), I suspect in this case it's impossible to know where the story is going quite yet, and that you will have surprises. I'm already attached.
(fyi, I'm also Wood. I accidentally signed in on the wrong account. Didn't even realized I had that log-in here.)
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Permalink Reply by Charlotte Elise on
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I'm glad I've got your interest, that's an important thing. And I know what you mean about the night and day stuff. Except for the first line, the opening paragraph has been one of those bits I just can't get quite right. I'm still wrestling with it though, so we'll see where it ends up!
Oh, cool, thanks for letting me know!
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Permalink Reply by Kristen Wood on -
I love this. Nice imagery in so few words. I'm with Courtney. I'd love to know the next line.
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Permalink Reply by Charlotte Elise on
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Thanks, I'm glad you like it! Next line is above ^.
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Permalink Reply by Charlotte Elise on
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You guessed it!
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Permalink Reply by Andrea Heiberg on
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I’m still surprised when thinking of this woman who put so much effort in getting a photo of me and not because I look gorgeous in any way but because she wanted to stick my eyes out on it with a needle – you see, she had this voodoo tendency.
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Permalink Reply by Tanya Buck on
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If this were shortened a bit or made into two sentences, it would have a harder 'hit' for me. I like the way it is written, but had to read it twice to feel any true impact. What if you start with: "This woman (or her name or A woman) put a lot of effort into getting a photo of me. Not because I'm famous or gorgeous but because she wanted to stick my eyes out on it with a needle – you see, she had this voodoo tendency."
Something in that vein....?
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@Courtney, thanks, it feels so great when the words suddenly work right. I'll head on.
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