It was 5:48 pm on a Wednesday when Trey Haskin had his throat torn out.
The death was only significant because it was the fourth one in as many days. My department only got the call because of the way in which the guy was killed. I only cared because now I had to stand in the shadows of a rapidly darkening alley waiting on a creature that may or may not ever show up.
This is my life: a twisted version of the Butterfly Effect.
That's the first few lines of my novel, "Shepherd's Moon."
Here are the first new lines of my work-in-progress:
The girl would never forget that day. Neither would the priest, nor the boy. The other girls whispered about it for the short space of a few waking hours till their memories expunged it, inexplicably. They would, however, remain conscious of a gap, a missing space like the one left by a tree that topples over in a storm and is immediately plundered for its wood.
I would keep reading because I really would like to know what happened that they will never forget...what's causing a gap that big.
I like :)
Hello all. Here are the opening lines of my work in progress:
It’s 7:50 am and just like clockwork there he is leaving his apartment. I’ve been stalking him every day for the past two weeks timing his movements, memorizing his schedule and with uncanny punctuality he emerges…Donovahn Smith. He has looks me in the eye every morning, smiling and politely saying hello. It amazes me that he has no idea who I am, although he has haunted my memories daily for 32 years.
Ooo I really like this. I totally want to read on. I think the first sentence can be more succinct. The word "there" kind of trips up the first sentence, though.
Thank you for your feedback. That's the affect I was going for and yes I did catch the typo...it's correct in my actual manuscript (he has looked)
Thanks for the feedback as well as for the grammatical correction. I missed that, but as you stated I haven't reached the editing stage yet. I'm glad that you enjoyed the intro.