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Permalink Reply by Denise Fisher on April 28, 2011 at 8:28am

I remind myself that forgiveness isn't about the person I am forgiving, but rather for myself. Holding onto anger only hurts us and allows someone who has wronged us to continue doing so without even knowing it.

I've learned that repeating the phrase "I forgive_____" several times a day, out loud, actually brings about what I didn't think was possible, a peaceful heart.

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Permalink Reply by Jan Marquart on April 28, 2011 at 8:40am

I wish it were just anger -- it is a trauma. But you are right. He is still hurting me -- what a process!!! I interested to have other thoughts on this.

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Permalink Reply by Mrs. Barbara Jean Fields on April 28, 2011 at 1:57pm

We can't answer to what others do to us, only what we do. Sometimes it hard to forgive, but we are commanded by the "Supreme Being" to forgive. He can not forgive us if we do not forgive.  Don't hang onto anger and bitterness. In that area, it mimics the Bible teaching.

 

 

Barbara Jean Fields

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Permalink Reply by JoAnn Murphey on April 28, 2011 at 11:50am

 Forgive everything, but forget slowly.

 

When you do not forgive, it festers and stews in your soul so you put a dam in the creative flow of ideas as you have mentioned. Forgiveness first comes with words..."I forgive you."  This is said to the person of the perceived offense. I use the word "perceived" because the offense may not have been meant as it was taken. It could be just miscommunication or a perception problem. This is the first step. Now make it a mantra in your mind until it becomes a reality. It will continue to hurt, but will lessen.

 

Forgetting is another thing all together it takes time and distance.  Think twenty years in the future.  Is this issue something that will be as hurtful to you as now? Most offenses that cause the issue of forgiveness and forgetfulness are irrelavent in the future. If it isn't, then why are you wasting your time with it now? Flick the demon of possible self-pity off your shoulder and go on with your writing and your life.

 

I found with my ex-husband, notice I said ex, I was able to forgive him for infidelity, abuse, and beating our youngest child into a coma. I know without a doubt he will pay with the consequences of his actions for the rest of his life and beyond. I found I could not go on with my life and achieve what I wanted out of my life while harboring ill feelings for him.

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Permalink Reply by Jan Marquart on April 28, 2011 at 8:52pm

Hanging onto is not deliberate. I guess I'm wondering, on a deeper level, how the process unfolds. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. It depends on the depth of the situation. Usually I write it out as when I wrote Echoes from the Womb, a Book for Daughters about my relationship with my mother. After the book I found an enormous release and better understanding. To simply let go is not a process I can relate to. It must be transformed. When I needed to forgive my sister I wrote The Basket Weaver. But this trauma I don't want to write. It needs another process. So I'm asking your process to spark my own ideas. Thanks for your comments.

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Permalink Reply by JoAnn Murphey on May 7, 2011 at 8:01am

Have you thought of another creative outlet...painting, taking all your hurt and planting a garden? By planting a garden even if it is just in pots, you care and nurture them. It is an activity...you can shove and poke the dirt as a way to get to the hurt out. In the end while you are healing you can enjoy fresh vegetables or beautiful flowers.

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Permalink Reply by Elizabeth Eames Roebling on May 18, 2011 at 5:42am

Just after the death of my brother, five years after the death of my father, I had recovered memory of abuse by them in my early childhood. I had intellectually known about it, had done group therapy work on it, but this was a wave of recovered sensation, rather like having a limb, which had set badly, rebroken so that it could heal properly.

 

What I realized is that my brother was only mimicing the behavior of my father. And that my father must have also been mimicing some behavior.

 

So, even though he was dead, I imagined him when he was a young boy, I looked about among the men I knew who were good fathers, and I gave them to this image of my father. I had him play ball and go fishing and camping with them. I had him listen to them as they spoke of the proper attitudes toward women.

 

I did this very actively for about a month. By that, I mean I filmed the movie in my head a few times a day, every day.

 

At the end of this time, the urgency, along with the anger and the hurt faded away. I was able to release the memory.

 

I hope this helps.

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Permalink Reply by Jan Marquart on May 18, 2011 at 6:37am

I'm so glad you found a way to heal. In my new book The Basket Weaver I gave a character named Molo the role of teacher to help my character Alana (me) as she tried to heal from her sister and men (again, my life) and it worked wonders. I don't even think of about the pain anymore and when I do there is no emotional sting. That's how I gave forgiveness. Iput it all in my book and then worked it out in the writing. I was interested to know how other people did it. I went through hell in writing the book but I liked where I came out. Thank you for telling me your successful story.

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Permalink Reply by I'sha Ryan on May 2, 2011 at 5:15pm

"forgive and forget" is always the best remedy. Prayer and surrendering it to God helps tremendously as well. Yes, letting go and giving it to God makes everything so easy. I feel when we truly have love for ourselves and for other people then forgiveness will no longer be a question.

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Permalink Reply by RYCJ on May 4, 2011 at 11:08am

People requiring my forgiveness are people who are in spots I can only feel sorry for. It'd be like holding a grudge against a nail in the floor that made me trip.

I simply just don't give matters as such that much of my energy. Acknowledge them, try to have repaired if possible, and if not, avoid. No harsh feelings whatsoever. It's forgotten. Like the nail in the floorboard.

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Permalink Reply by Rhian Williams on May 10, 2011 at 12:49pm

I think forgiveness isn't about what was done, but the person. If you can move on, that would be wonderful, but it won't be a quick process.

 

I haven't quite forgiven some things, but I have tried to find some peace with my dad, because life is short, and he's coming to realise the bad things, posssbily regret it. It's a long process for us both.

 

Of course, in my case, for a lot of things, I have forgotten rather than forgiven. I have chunks of my memory missing.

 

Rhi

x x

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Permalink Reply by Ruby E. Angulo on May 10, 2011 at 1:27pm

Hanging on to a traumatic experience hurts you more than the actual experience. 

Consistently thinking about it keeps backtracking you and you never have the opportunity to heal because you leave the wound open. 

Living in the present is the best we can do for our future. I am sure you do not like the feeling of hurt that is tied to that memory. Let it go and know that this is NOW and your Future can Only be built on what you do today. 

Another thing I can say about this subject is to have compassion for that person. Everyone is a Human Being, not a Human Knowing. I am sure he/she feels awful for what was done. We ALL have a conscious, even though we don't always express it. 

Also know that Anger, is just a deeper state of Hurt. 

Forgive them because just like you everyone experiences the same feelings...we just react differently to them. 

 

I wish you nothing but Love and Prosperity,

Ruby E. Angulo

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