Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Kelley Harrell on August 26, 2010 at 12:14pm

Well said. I applaud your regard for your children's privacy and safety. Albeit from a different place, I relate to your words.

Thank you for sharing this post.

~Kelley ~ Soul Intent Arts ~ Intentional Insights

Permalink Reply by Ilie Ruby on August 26, 2010 at 12:49pm

Thanks, Kelley. It's good to feel so clear about it.

Permalink Reply by Kelli Swearingen on August 29, 2010 at 11:49am

"I am routinely followed by a well-meaning librarian throughout the children’s room at our local library as she tries to tell me stories about orphans."

I find that remark so offensive and ignorant. A family is what you make it, I don't think it should matter but unfortunately some people do. I am adopted by my dad, he's not my bio-father,he's not my stepdad,he's my dad,my sister and brother to me, aren't half brother or half sister either. I don't really look like them as my bio father was Puerto Rican and have faced questions all my life. But my family as it is is what I know and hopefully your children will grow up understanding that also. I can't speak for your children as they will face questions about their heritage and family which I haven't had to but you seem to have your head in the right space when it comes to them and choosing to keep the info to yourself. There will always be questions but like you said you don't have to share and I wouldn't either. I'd let the kids decide if and when the time is right,to tell, if they choose to at all. I wish when I was younger I had read something like what you wrote because it would have answered alot of questions for me. Well done!

Permalink Reply by Ilie Ruby on August 29, 2010 at 4:53pm

Thank you. That means a heck of a lot to me. Truly.

Permalink Reply by Susan Katz Miller on August 30, 2010 at 7:42am

Beautiful post. My kids are not adopted, and they are teens now, but I still struggle with issues of privacy when blogging about them and I share your desire to protect them. I don't use their names, or photos of their faces, and they read most of what I write before I post it. It is hard to write about "mothering" without encroaching on their stories, we are so enmeshed, but it is important to me to continue to struggle with it, rather than give in to the facebook ethic of posting anything and everything.

Permalink Reply by Victoria Costello on August 31, 2010 at 12:54pm

I have written a family memoir of mental illness going back three generations and including the struggles of my two now twenty-something sons as we went from denial to recovery as a family. My sons are not wild about this story being published to the world but they have given their consent because they understand the purpose of the book to help alleviate others' pain. And also because I asked them, and I suppose it was hard for them to say no. They've read parts and I have changed their names (and their last name is diff than mine) in the book and kept them out of all social media regarding the book. But I imagine this will become more difficult (not less) as the book is released by its pub in 2012.

I am of the mind that some stories must be shared.

Permalink Reply by Ilie Ruby on September 17, 2010 at 10:16am

I agree, some stories must be shared. And others should not. But I think as women we need to trust our intuition as to what and when it is appropriate. And if sharing betters the world and brings healing, well, then that seems to be a tipping point in terms of stories that must be shared.