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Query Critique

Dear all,

On May 23 it was decided that queries should be explored in a private setting.  The private group is located here.  

Location: #Workshop
Members: 117
Latest Activity: on Tuesday

Discussion Forum

How Can I Make this better? Shorter? More specific?

Started by Perri. Last reply by sara selznick Dec 5, 2012. 20 Replies

Hi everyone, This is draft 5 of my miserable query. It's still lousy. How can I improve it? "As children, Claudette and Leanne Taskett played “swamp girls” in the empty rooms of their father’s dilapidated Florida motel and in the sulphur-smelling…Continue

Query Feedback Requested - Stormland

Started by Sharon Bayliss. Last reply by Aidan Larson Nov 30, 2012. 8 Replies

Hi everyone! I'm new to She Writes, and am looking for feedback on the latest version of my query.  Thank you for your help! -Sharon I read in an interview that you like (x), so I hope you will enjoy my 70,000 word upper young adult science fiction…Continue

Tags: critique, query

Stewart novel with aliteracy query letter

Started by sara selznick. Last reply by Aidan Larson Nov 30, 2012. 1 Reply

I decided to keep that fabulous first graph you guys got me to,but i decide to try to jump into the idea that this is a literary novel (where plot is less important than character and how it is written)and write a query "literarily."Here's what I…Continue

Tags: last, my, is, time, to

B&N refusing to stock any books published by Amazon

Started by Alle C. Hall. Last reply by Sarah Pinneo Feb 1, 2012. 1 Reply

The New York Times is reporting the above. What do you think, ladies? Will this dissuade you from using CreateSpace to publish?I've been watching this battle for a while, wondering how B&N was going to respond to the newer industry big'un. Fold…Continue

Why haven't I sent out my first query letter yet?

Started by Nancy Hinchliff Jan 20, 2012. 0 Replies

OK. My manuscript, query letter, and proposal are essentially done. I'm ready to send out my first query letter. Right? Well, you would think so. But Instead of systematically sending out letters to potential agents, I keep going back to my proposal…Continue

Writing a Good Synopsis

Started by Alle C. Hall. Last reply by Sara LeCroy Aug 21, 2011. 1 Reply

I spent four years getting my novel “right” enough to snag an agent. I spent four months condensing it to a single page that included the synopsis, my bio, and marketing prowess. The end result was a somewhat functional if hopelessly earnest attempt…Continue

Tags: manuscript, query, cover, letter, submission

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Comment by sara selznick on April 5, 2013 at 10:46am

Hi, guys, 

This is not technically a query letter. I have to include a synopsis with a mentorship application and writing sample. I slightly extended my rough query for this novel. Could anybody take a look and tweak and or hack it? 

Synopsis for The Book of Lilith

The Book of Lilith is a novel about Katie Schwartz-Warshaw, an ex-promising opera singer who in her late twenties accidentally begins writing an opera--not just any opera, but a supposed lost version of Genesis viewed through the sharp eyes and sly tongue of Lilith, the ancient succubus, (or misunderstood feminist) who, in Jewish legend was Adam's wife before Eve. Katie was raised to be her anxious mother’s caretaker/confidante/spouse. Divorced from Ma now, Katie is still fighting for a healthier place within her family-of-origin, currently thrown even further off balance by Dad’s developing dementia and Ma’s incipient hysterectomy. 

Meanwhile, Katie's best buddy, the world-famous black opera diva, Neddra Chase, not only believes The Book of Lilith is brilliant, but has taken it upon herself to shove it out into the world of grants, commissions and staged singings.

This sends Katie’s hypochondriacal, accountant husband, Matthew, into overdrive, as he injures more and more body parts to keep Katie home taking care of him.  

Soon, Good Girl Katie is fighting lust for the handsome director of the Los Angeles Municipal Opera, and worse--the fear that her arias may let slip family secrets, thus forever alienating both family and husband, leaving Katie with only outrageous Neddra as a bastion against the dangerous world Ma taught her to fear.

And yet, the music is bottled up inside Katie, and it keeps coming out. . .

Set in the equally over-the-top worlds of Opera and a modern Jewish family, told with a two-lane structure of Katie-past and Katie-present, The Book of Lilith is a belated coming of age story with equal parts drama, slapstick and pathos, not Wagner or Verdi or even Puccini, but Mozart at his wildest.

 

Comment by Erin Emerson on December 6, 2011 at 2:09pm

Hi Nancy,

I didn't read your post, as it looked like the similar emails several groups have received with holiday promotions.  

When you post these as comments on a group, many of us receive those comments as email.  Looking at the number of groups where you made the exact same comments, this would by definition be Spam, as it is unsolicited and sent in bulk.  I don't know how the exact same comments would be appropriate for every group, but perhaps a better place to post links to your blog would be on the home page.    

Comment by Nancy Mueller on December 6, 2011 at 1:49pm

Ouch! Oh, dear - my sincere apologies for ruffling any feathers here. My intent is certainly not to spam the group, Erin. Groups and group members respond differently, of course. At least two other members (in different SheWrites groups) have expressed their appreciation for receiving this information.

I am open to receiving feedback, but please remember, a little kindness goes a long way . . .

Comment by Erin Emerson on December 6, 2011 at 10:53am
NANCY MUELLER - PLEASE quit SPAMMING the groups!
Comment by Nancy Mueller on December 5, 2011 at 10:32pm

What if your $10. had the power to totally transform a child's life?

See how here: http://wanderlustandlipstick.com/blogs/wanderboomer/2011/12/05/pass...

Comment by Nancy Mueller on November 29, 2011 at 6:48am

A very timely blog by guru-marketer Seth Godin today:

http://sethgodin.typepad.com/

And if you haven't seen Sarah Key's TED talk, be sure and click through the link in Seth's blog. What an extraordinary young woman!

 

Comment by Regina Y. Swint on October 30, 2011 at 3:15pm
Hi, everyone!  Just joined the group today, recommended by Julianne.  Looking forward to chatting and sharing.  :)
Comment by Sarah Pinneo on September 14, 2011 at 5:38pm
Dear Julianne, can you "join" the new query critique group hereand then post your query as a thread in the forum?  That's where people will be able to see you best.
Comment by Julianne Bambrick McCullagh on September 14, 2011 at 4:46pm

Hi-- I suppose I attach my Query letter--- so here it is--- I am grateful ahead of time for any help with this     thanks, thanks, thanks

Dear Agent:  

 

 

Rose Banfry McGuire has buried most of her past.

 

Other than the occasional presence of some ghosts, she has been able to keep the past and present separate. At her father’s funeral, though, she is confronted with a history she cannot ignore. Her father’s son. 

 

This discovery dismantles the armor she has wrapped herself in and raises from an unquiet limbo the specters she has worked so hard to silence. Beneath that armor she is a lonesome little girl, left on her own to deal with her sister’s death, her mother’s breakdown and the improper attention of her parish priest.

 

This discovery of a brother at her father’s funeral is the factor that moves her from barely holding on to the story she has constructed of herself, her family and her church, to falling into the pit of truth she has been avoiding.

 

Her faith is tested. The Catholic Church is so integral to who she is, it may as well be stamped on her DNA along with the familiarity with the ‘thin place’ that is part of her Irish heritage.

 

Rose wrestles with coming to a real understanding of faith, separate from the imperfect people in her life. She has to lose it all, drop all her defenses and descend into darkness before she can build her life in an authentic and grace filled way.

 

The Narrow Gate is a novel of 57,000 words. It spans the years 1954 through 2004 in the lives of three generations of the Banfry’s, an Irish-Catholic family in Queens, New York.

 

In light of the scandals emerging over the past decade, this novel is a timely work.  Countless numbers of believers have had to parse real faith from the complex culture that often obscured the truth.

 

This novel deals with subject matter similar to that found in Mary Gordon and Alice McDermott’s books. Major influences on my writing have been ancient myths and fairy tales of the heroic journey.

 

The first chapter has been published as a short story in Rose and Thorn Literary Journal in the Summer 2010 edition. A creative non-fiction work will be in the Fall 2011 edition of that journal. I took first place at the Mayborn Literary Conference in 2007 and one of the top ten in 2006.  I have been a columnist on family life issues, and wrote a series of articles for Loyola Press. I write a blog at GraceNotes.

 

Thank you for your consideration,

 

 

Comment by Sarah Pinneo on May 23, 2011 at 12:36pm

Ugh!  Unfortunately, even though SheWrites once took every forum private during an earlier upgrade, they cannot make this one private.  So the link to the new, private forum is here: http://www.shewrites.com/group/querycritiquev20

It is called "Query Critique V. 2.0"  This is messy, and to be honest I'm not sure it's the right thing to do.  I hope the group doesn't crumble with this change, because Query Critique has been one of the most active forums on SheWrites.  But I do completely understand why privacy is an issue.  So we'll give it a shot!  Please "request" membership and you will, of course, be instantly "admitted."

Best,

Sarah

 

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