I recently had an interesting and very emotional experience with my 17 year old son and my role as a mother. My son and I have a very unique and open relationship. He is a sterling human being and has never violated my trust. Lately, after getting his driver's license, he has been eager to break away and experience some new and earned freedom. It was causing me great anxiety and I was acting irrational in regard to some of his requests. He said I always seemed to be in fight or flight when we were having these conversations. I took it to my shrink. During the session she kept prodding me - what happened your last high school year at home? Repeatedly. I finally got it. The memory returned. My last year of high school I was violently raped and subsequently stalked until I left for NYC after graduation. Connecting the dots between my high school trauma and my irrational concern for my son's safety has been a shocking and very emotional catharsis. Has anyone else had a traumatic memory unexpectently pop up and taint their ability to fulfull one of their life roles like this? Have you felt ambushed by your trauma?

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Hi Neely,
Thanks for writing about your experiences so honestly. I've never had to face any trauma per se. I live a protected life (knock on wood). I am really sorry about what you had to go through as a young adult. I am also very glad you managed to find happiness in your son! Of course it's quite natural to feel protective about him, he is your most precious possession. It could, however, cause a lot of problems between you and your child if you let that love and protection come in way of his freedom and individual growth. Maybe you could talk to him and think of an alternative that makes you feel safe? Like him calling you when he reaches his destination? Do let us know how you deal with it! Good Luck!

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