Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Nancy Hinchliff on October 18, 2010 at 3:43am

Emma, I have changed the working title to Operatic Divas and Naked Irishmen.
Thanks for the suggestion.

Permalink Reply by yvette managan on October 18, 2010 at 4:26am

Hi Nancy,

You've worked so hard on this - it has far more clarity and "oomph!" I noticed a couple of things though, just suggestions based on what I've read and seen. I know query letters should be fairly brief so each word must count and you have a few places where words could be snipped. I am re-posting your query letter, with comments in italics and words that you may find extraneous in bold. All just my opinions, that's all, and please take them or not, and know that they came from caring, without intention to cause hurt or discomfort. And I could be totally off-base.


Demanding operatic divas, naked Irishmen walking in their sleep, and honeymooners leaving remnants of an unforgettable wedding night are all part of the flamboyant and interesting guests who came in and out of my life as an Innkeeper; a semi-colon is used to join two independant clauses, which could, if one wished, stand by themselves. Each bringing his or her own unique personality and quirkiness to the table is not an independant clause. each bringing his or her own unique personality and because quirkiness implies uniqueness quirkiness to the table. With my life as an Innkeeper coming to an end,Does the editor need to know that the writers life as innkeeper is coming to a close? I decided to end this final chapter by gathering my collected stories into a memoir.


OPERATIC DIVAS AND NAKED IRISHMEN is a humorous and poignant account of how an admittedly asocial retired school teacher with no business sense and very little start up money reinvents herself as a successful Innkeeper in Louisville Kentucky. The reader is taken on a sixteen year journey with the author as she deftly wields her way around cantankerous contractors, harrowing housekeepers and no shortage of strange and interesting house guests. Through her collected stories, the now savvy, and humorous business woman gives the reader a personal, in-depth, and honest I think honest could simply be assumed since it is a memoir look at what it's like to be an Innkeeper while keeping one's sanity Could shorten it to, 'look at keeping an inn while keeping one's sanity. In 1994, the single 64-year-old Ms Hinchliff buys a turn of the century mansion and turns transformsit into a charming Victorian Inn. Ms Hinchliff, who has always been a risk-taker then you'd have to insert a comma hereshares her insights on the challenges and rewards of a second career. Through sheer tenacity, she learns to successfully negotiate with maintenance men, city officials, housekeepers and hundreds of guests. Along with her collection of stories Ms Hinchliff, an avid food gourmet, includes recipes she has developed over the years. The last sentence could become more powerful by getting rid of the 'along with' whichmay not be as strong a beginning as an editor might want. Please consider something like, "Ms. Hinchliff spices up her tales with her own individualized recipes," or Ms. Hinchliff's personal recipes act as a condiment to her already-spicy stories," or something like that. But you may even omit that last sentence since you tell the potential publisher that you combine them in the very first line of the next paragraph

OPERATIC DIVAS AND NAKED IRISHMEN offers a fresh approach combining recipes, wit, and humor with a subject that will appeal to women interested in starting a bed and breakfast or looking to reinvent themselves, whether they are starting a second career late in life, coming out of a divorce, or forced by the recession to stop mid-career and rethink their options.

Ms Hinchliff is the co-author and editor of Room At The Table, a cookbook writtten for the Bed and Breakfast Association of Kentucky for which she won the BBAK President's Award in 2008. In addition to maintaining several websites, and blogs, she writes online for Examiner.com, Eye on Life, Pink Magazine, and Hub Pages. She holds degrees in music and special education; is certified to teach English, and has taught and written creative non-fiction and poetry on and off through the course of her adult life. In addition, she worked on a PhD in education and taught at the University of Illinois in Chicago.
In your bio - you use the phrase 'In addition," twice

Permalink Reply by Nancy Hinchliff on October 18, 2010 at 6:35am

Very helpful, Yvette. It's so nice to have another pair of eyes looking at this. I definitely see where I can cut this down some more....Thanks so much

Permalink Reply by Nancy Hinchliff on October 18, 2010 at 7:02am

LATEST RE-WRITE (It's getting shorter and shorter) :=)

Demanding operatic divas, naked Irishmen walking in their sleep, and honeymooners leaving remnants of an unforgettable wedding night are all part of the flamboyant and interesting guests who came in and out of my life as an Innkeeper; each bringing his or her own unique personality to the table.

OPERATIC DIVAS AND NAKED IRISHMEN is a humorous and poignant account of how an asocial retired school teacher with no business sense and little start up money reinvents herself as a successful Innkeeper in Louisville Kentucky. The reader is taken on a sixteen year journey with the author as she deftly wields her way around cantankerous contractors, harrowing housekeepers and no shortage of strange and interesting house guests. Through her collected stories, the now savvy, and humorous business woman gives the reader a personal, in-depth, and honest look at what it's like to be an Innkeeper while keeping one's sanity.

In 1994, at the age of 64 and single, Ms Hinchliff buys a turn of the century mansion and transforms it into a charming Victorian Inn. Ms Hinchliff, who has always been a risk-taker, shares her insights on the challenges and rewards of a second career. Through sheer tenacity, she learns to successfully negotiate with maintenance men, city officials, housekeepers and hundreds of guests. An avid food gourmet, Ms Hinchliff adds her own individualized recipes to her already-spicy stories. OPERATIC DIVAS AND NAKED IRISHMEN offers a fresh approach which combines recipes, wit, and humor with a subject that will appeal to women interested in starting a bed and breakfast or looking to reinvent themselves.

Ms Hinchliff is the co-author and editor of Room At The Table, a cookbook written for the Bed and Breakfast Association of Kentucky for which she won the BBAK President's Award in 2008. In addition to maintaining several websites, and blogs, she writes online for Examiner.com, Eye on Life, Pink Magazine, and Hub Pages. She holds degrees in music and special education; is certified to teach English, and has taught and written creative non-fiction and poetry on and off through the course of her adult life. She has also worked on a PhD in education and taught at the University of Illinois in Chicago.

Permalink Reply by Emma French Connolly on October 18, 2010 at 7:10am

It's getting tighter and stronger. Keep working . . . perhaps take a few days off then focus on it again, maybe combining sentences and eliminating any absolutely unnecessary language. You'll know it and you will feel it when it's finished.

Permalink Reply by yvette managan on October 18, 2010 at 7:49am

I agree with Emma - it's really tightening up. You've convinced me - I am curious about the book now. Well done. I wonder if, when you look at it again in a few days, it will finally sound right to you!

Permalink Reply by Nancy Hinchliff on October 18, 2010 at 10:23am

Well, it sounds a lot better already, thanks to you and Emma...I very much appreciate it.

Permalink Reply by Jackie Branagan on November 10, 2010 at 9:03am

I like the first two paragraphs of the first rewrite the best, and the third paragraph from the second rewrite. For the rest, I would suggest thinking of the broadest audience you can imagine. So the fourth paragraph of the second rewrite, I would say "OPERATIC DIVAS AND NAKED IRISHMEN offers a fresh approach combining wit and humor with recipes, a subject that will appeal to a wide audience. More specifically it will appeal to women ready to reinvent themselves, whether they are starting a second career late in life, coming out of a divorce, or forced by the recession to rethink their options." Then the last paragraph of the second rewrite is great, except take out "she worked on a PhD in education and"

Essentially, state all positives, and leave out anything that doesn't play to your strengths. Hope this helps. I'd like to read the book!

Permalink Reply by Nancy Hinchliff on November 10, 2010 at 5:22pm

Jackie, these are great suggestions. Thanks so much. I'm still not through with it and will continue to work on it until I get it the way I want it. I'm going to use some of your suggestions. Right now I've switched my attention to my proposal. Want to take a look at it when it finished?

Permalink Reply by Nancy Hinchliff on November 11, 2010 at 5:07am

November 6, 2010

Mr. John Doe
John Doe Literary Agency
1029 Jones Street
San Francisco, CA 94109

Dear Mr. Doe,

Demanding operatic divas, naked Irishmen walking in their sleep, and honeymooners leaving remnants of an unforgettable wedding night are all part of the flamboyant and interesting guests who came in and out of my life as an innkeeper; each bringing his or her own unique personality and quirkiness to the table.

OPERATIC DIVAS AND NAKED IRISHMEN is a humorous and poignant account of how an admittedly asocial retired school teacher with no business experience and little start up money converts a turn-of-the-century mansion into a charming bed and breakfast and reinvents herself as an Innkeeper. The reader is taken on a sixteen year journey as Hinchliff wields her way around a variety of contractors, housekeepers and an assortment of strange and interesting guests. In her collected stories, the author gives the reader a personal, in-depth, and honest look at what it's like to be an innkeeper and still retain one's sense of humor. Through sheer tenacity, she successfully negotiates with maintenance men, city officials, fire codes, and blackout shades. Hinchliff shares her insights on the challenges and rewards of a second career along with her collection of stories. At the end of each chapter, the reader will find one or two of the many recipes developed at her Inn.

I am co-author and editor of Room at the Table, a cookbook written for the Bed and Breakfast Association of Kentucky for which I won the BBAK President's Award in 2008. In addition to maintaining several websites and blogs, I write online for Examiner.com, Eye on Life, Pink Magazine, and Hub Pages. Holder of degrees in music and special education and certified to teach English, I have taught and written creative non-fiction and poetry throughout my adult life.

OPERATIC DIVAS AND NAKED IRISHMEN offers a fresh approach combining wit and humor with recipes, a subject that will appeal to a wide audience. More specifically, it will appeal to women ready to re-invent themselves, whether they are starting a second career late in life, coming out of a divorce, or forced by the recession to stop mid-career and rethink their options.

Thank you for your time and consideration. A proposal is available upon request.

Nancy Hinchliff
1213 South First St
Louisville, Kentucky
phone: 502-637-4985
email: alekhouse@aol.com

Permalink Reply by Deborah Denson on November 12, 2010 at 8:53pm

Loved reading this process! The revisions have made each sentence count.

I must say the 1st person - 3rd person switching confused me..

Permalink Reply by Nancy Hinchliff on November 13, 2010 at 4:43am

Thanks, Deborah...that's exactly what I need to hear...not about your being confused, but that you recognized the process.

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