"Congratulations Sarah! Your feedback on Query Critique 2.0 is always so right on and has been so helpful in getting my query letter and synopsis into something I can feel good about sending out. Good luck with your new book. It sounds like a fun…"
Jennifer Vail's Groups
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Jennifer Vail replied to the discussion 'First lines.' in the group Novelists (Struggling or Not)
"Thank you all for your feedback! I felt that I had to explain "read people's intentions" up front so it wasn't confusing, but maybe I don't. Will give it some thought. Also, where she is is revealed immediately after these…"
Jennifer Vail replied to the discussion 'First lines.' in the group Novelists (Struggling or Not)
"I have changed the beginning chapter of my YA novel BAITED umpteen times at this point. Here are the current first lines. Let me know what you think.
The plan to escape my life had nothing to do with my dateless existence or my ability to…"
Jennifer Vail joined a group
Novelists (Struggling or Not)
Novelists - published or not - chatting about beginnings, muddy middles, dang endings, what to do with it all. Please don't shout (all caps, big images) or post irrelevant links. Please do include modestly sized covers in "Our Published Novels"! See More
Jennifer Vail replied to the discussion 'Query Feedback Requested - Stormland' in the group Query Critique
"Hi Sharon,
I really like your query. There are two spots that made me pause. The last sentence of the first paragraph, starting with "but it was..." and the first sentence of the second paragraph.
In the first paragraph, last…"
dianejwright left a comment for Jennifer Vail
"Jennifer, , welcome to Writers in Canada. We're happy to have you with us! Do drop in to our Introductions thread and share a bit about yourself and your work. Care to share where you're from and where you are now? What brings you to us?…"
Jennifer Vail replied to the discussion 'Query Attempt: The Ferryman and The Flame' in the group Query Critique
"Hi Rhi,
You could slip it in this sentence "I'm actively working on the second and third books in the LEGEND OF THE FERRYMAN series.
Good luck with your query!"
Jennifer Vail commented on the group 'Query Critique'
"I think it would be a good idea to go private."
Jennifer Vail replied to the discussion 'How Can I Make this better? Shorter? More specific?' in the group Query Critique
"Perri,
I like this version much better!
The first paragraph feels more concise and ties in better with the following paragraphs. The part about Citra Starke also seems like it flows much better. I know you've used "somewhere…"
Jennifer Vail replied to the discussion 'How Can I Make this better? Shorter? More specific?' in the group Query Critique
"Hi Perri,
I like the revision prior to this one, but it has a different focus. So my question to you is? What is the main story line. Is it the sisters relationship, which is the focus of the previous one? Or is it the mystery of the father's…"
Jennifer Vail replied to the discussion 'Query Attempt: The Ferryman and The Flame' in the group Query Critique
"Hi Rhiannon,
I like it! I do have a few minor comments:
In "She becomes Kirshani's refuge..." I would replace She with Kaliel. I would also do the same in "And she can't come..." and in "They're…"
Jennifer Vail replied to the discussion 'Another query approach . . .' in the group Query Critique
"I liked your first query, but this one adds depth to the characters and story. For the me the first paragraph works great, however, instead of body parts, maybe you could use attributes of the innocent girl, like her wide eyed wonder, or sweet…"
Candy Fite replied to the discussion 'Okay Here's the 2nd Draft of BAITED Query :0 Would Love Feedback on Changes' in the group Query Critique
"Jennifer, if I remember correctly, it was the word choice of "insane," (my 18-year-old uses it all the time), and the phrase, "screw the consequences," which is now removed, and also that leaving to go to Italy, would keep her…"
Jennifer Vail replied to the discussion 'Okay Here's the 2nd Draft of BAITED Query :0 Would Love Feedback on Changes' in the group Query Critique
"I appreciate your comments. However, it is not genital mutilation. It's genetic mutilation. Using genetics to create animals like a lizard dog or worse. It's a sci-fi fantasy type story.
Thanks for the catch on "who.""
Jennifer Vail replied to the discussion 'Query letter, first paragragh' in the group Query Critique
"While you make some powerful statements and I am interested to know what your story is about. I have several questions as I read. How are the girls mutilating themselves? Are you referring to cutting or piercing to the point of mutilation? I have…"
Jennifer Vail replied to the discussion 'Stuck in Query Hell :) Would love feedback' in the group Query Critique
"Thanks for your words of encouragement. I am looking forward to your comments."
Profile Information
- Who I am:
- I'm a fan of all things story.
- Books I've written, anthologies I've contributed to, and any scripts or plays I've authored:
- YA Novel, two screenplays and lots of short blurbs on the world.
- Media outlets that I currently write for:
- N/A
- My writing is:
- Fiction, Screenwriting
- Outlets where I review books, TV, or film:
- N/A
- Services I offer to other writers:
- N/A
- I'm part of these writers' groups or salons:
- N/A
- My professional associations:
- N/A
- I found out about She Writes from:
- Lisa Kerr
Comment Wall (4 comments)
- At 5:21pm on February 5, 2012,
Meg Waite Clayton said… Jennifer, We're delighted to have you in the novelist group! You might introduce yourself by telling us what you’re working on in the “Show Me Your Novel and I’ll Show You Mine” discussion if you're not too uncomfortable talking about what you're working on. We save the wall for discussion, so please refrain from linking to blog posts there, but do add them in the “Links to Helpful Blog Posts for Writers” discussion thread.
And we do a live chat every Wednesday at 1EST; instructions on how to participate are in the "Our Water Cooler Wednesdays" box near the top of the group page.
Meg Waite Clayton
Novelist Group Moderator
Bestselling Author of The Four Ms. Bradwells, The Wednesday Sisters, and The Language of Light, a finalist for Barbara Kingsolver's Bellwether Prize
- At 8:43pm on June 28, 2011,
dianejwright said… - Jennifer, , welcome to Writers in Canada. We're happy to have you with us! Do drop in to our Introductions thread and share a bit about yourself and your work. Care to share where you're from and where you are now? What brings you to us? Links to your work and other well-meant self-promotion efforts are always encouraged as are friends. Invite another writer to join us, will you?
/djw
Host: Screenwriters and Story Editors & Writers in Canada
Co-Founder & Publisher: Seedpod Publishing
LIKE Scattershot, the strangely wonderful debut novel from Richard Goodwin and receive 20% off your ebook purchase! Only during the month of June!
- At 12:23pm on April 29, 2011,
Sarah Pinneo said… Hi Jennifer, and welcome to the Query Critique forum.
Best,
Sarah (admin.)
- At 6:02am on April 29, 2011,
Julia Barry said… 
Hi Jennifer,
So glad you are here, and welcome to She Writes!
You can check out the Getting Started section to help you find your way around, or a great way to jump in is to get involved with our Groups.
Feel free to let me know if you have any questions!
Warm best,
Julia Barry
Social Community Manager @ She Writes
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