I almost didn't go. It was raining Michigan sleet-spit and I was tempted to change into sweatpants and curl up on my chair with dinner in my lap.

Sometimes, if I turned the antenna in just the right way, I could pick up Canadian channels. To me that sounded almost exotic- watching foreign television.  But I'd worn a dress and heels to work that day and all that wardrobe effort would have been wasted on another evening alone in my apartment.

It was Ash…

Summer was already thick in May when my last baby was born.  She'd come two weeks early and looked too small to be on this side of life, this side of the womb. Her back arched just like the shape of my stomach in those last months, the shape I'd run my swollen hands over a thousand times, feeling for legs and head and hands. Now those legs were tucked tight against her chest. It took time for her to unfurl.

Two boys were at my feet, climbing up my legs, begging for juice,…