"Pretend that you're trying to open a door, and that you can only use your big toe."



Say what?



"Um. Okay. But where's the door?"



Our skating instructor sprawled out on her back on the ice, stretched her legs at a ninety degree angle above her torso, slightly waving them in the air, "Right here."



Oh, of course. Silly me.



Welcome to our Learn to Skate experience.



I should already know how to ice skate. Like at a semi-pro level.…

When I was eleven, I wrote my own obituary.



Don't worry.  I wasn't some sort of Adams Family dark child. Nor did I suffer from any type of incurable disease, although I have been told by amateur palm readers that my lifeline is short. (Anybody want to see?)



Composing my obit was an assignment given by my sixth grade English teacher. Somehow, I don't think this would go over well in the current mood of hyper political correctness, but thirty years ago, having middle school…

I'm not an expert at fixing brakes or extracting wisdom teeth. I don't know how to till the fields, code a website or land a plane  You probably wouldn't want me to defend you in a court of law. (However, if you needed a kick-ass letter of support, then I'm your girl.)



I do however know how to write. Writing is my profession. I am a professional writer.



Capisce?



And, like the aforementioned occupations, my career is one that's required quite a bit of training, both…

There's certain things that I just don't understand in this life. The mass appeal of sit-coms. How an all white church in rural Kentucky recently banned mixed-race couples, then claimed they weren't racist. And why, in Rhode Island, there's so much anger towards a recent policy granting illegal immigrant students in-state tuition at our local colleges.



Seems to me, that our goal is to have an educated population. You know, so we can attract some industry and further tick down this…

Let's just get this out of the way. I, Dawn L. Keable, was voted most quiet girl of my senior class.



Slightly shocking right? I think so too.



My confession is dual fold. First, I'm actively trying to hedge off the local media, should something tragic happen to me and the only image they can find is the photo of me and my boy, Matt Barden, straight outta the time warp that is the 1989 Burrillville High School yearbook.



He held the title of most quiet boy. I have…

Numero uno was Cubano style.



Really, I mean, is there any other way to prepare your first turkey? Especially when no one in the house is Latin. Luckily we were months away from any major holiday. Just two losers, a free turkey, a gas stove and a lazy Sunday afternoon.



Oh, we had a recipe too.



Only the bird in our freezer was much smaller than it required. By at least a quarter.



I might not be a great cook. But I do understand equations.



"Um,…