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Comment by Ivy Pittman on May 26, 2011 at 6:41pm

Enjoyed meeting you this evening @ Watchung Books. Your advice was dead on inspirational - thank you.

Please check out www.visiblewomanonline.com

Peace & Blessings!

 

Comment by Lisa Ahn on May 26, 2011 at 6:23pm

Thank you. Perfect timing -- I needed this post.

Comment by Scars R. Stories on May 26, 2011 at 5:03pm

Thank-you ever so much!!!  God, I would feel like I was walking on air for months if I ever got a book deal.  Honey, don't worry about the voices in your head - they're just different parts of you!!  They're to be celebrated, not silenced - this is in part what my blog is all about.

I'm so happy we've connected and had the wonderful experience that I talk about - being able to relate on a deep level with a complete stranger.  The Internet is so awesome in its ability to bring people together in this way much, much more often.

All My Best!

J xo

Comment by Linda Wilson on May 26, 2011 at 3:40pm

OMG. After reading your article I simply exhaled and thought, "Yes, it's exactly how I feel." Everything you've written is so spot on. I write because I enjoy creating lives and the trouble that invades those lives. And oh yeah, I also can't stop these voices inside my head. (I'm joking, but then again, not really.)

Anyway, hopefully I'll see you at Printer's Row in Chicago so I can get my book signed.  

Comment by Scars R. Stories on May 26, 2011 at 3:36pm

Cheers!

This post reminded me of the attitude shift I underwent at about age 23 (four years ago).  I realized, quite suddenly, that instead of being upset that I rarely met people who shared my rather radical ideals - still living in my rather small and politically apathetic hometown of Winnipeg then; I now live in Vancouver where I finally feel at home, as many share my values, are interested in what I do, and encourage me - that I could forge meaningful connections with others through the very simplest of interactions.  I'm talking about anything from smiling at someone as you walk past them on the street, striking up a conversation with someone waiting at the bus stop with you or in line at the market, or being extra cheerful and talkative with a retail or restaurant worker. 

When I, myself, had worked retail at Chapter's bookstore from ages 15 through 20, I realized how true the statement is that other people are mirrors of our selves.  If I was in a bad mood, and emitted negative energy along with each of my interactions with customers, and I received the same nastiness back.  My own bad mood seemed to spread like wildfire, as every single time I interacted with someone, they would have a negative reaction to my attitude.  However, when I was in a good mood, and put out positive energy, the opposite happened - I seemed able to cheer up even the most rude customers if I gave off enough of a sunny demeanor myself.

I did not carry this into other areas of my life right away, though.  I had low self esteem in my late teens and very early twenties, which prevented me from interacting with others much.  I decided that I was just an extreme introvert.  But once I gained that self confidence it took to strike up a conversation with a stranger, it all came rushing back to me.  In others, we can see ourselves, and we can influence others in a positive manner more than we can even fathom, simply by being kind.  At 26, I now make sure to practice this every single day, even if I'm in a rush.  Smiles don't take any extra time, and I truly enjoy conversing with strangers - they have so much to teach me!  The bonus is that it often takes people by surprise in a very good way - fancy that, an absolute stranger that is interested in what they have to say, and wants to participate in a conversation!  The feeling is mutual, and I derive great pleasure from these interactions, which required an attitude shift on my part.  I used to think that when people asked, "how is your day going?", they would not want to hear the truth if it was going very poorly.  I found that in truth, there are a lot of people - definitely a majority - who are actually interested in hearing the truth, and talking about it, relating. 

My definition of success kind of follows in suit.  If I write something and it makes even just one person feel like there is someone out there who they can relate to, and thus feel less alone in whatever they may be going through, I believe I have done my job - not only done it, but completed it successfully.  Ever since I was a small child I wanted to be a writer, and have the words I wrote make people think.  I have gotten much feedback on my personal website and blog lately, causing me utter elation, from individuals who have, indeed, read my writing and felt a sense of kinship immediately.

Although I have not yet been published in print, albeit a couple of very short pieces, these voices among the crowd tell me that I am well on my way :)

I hope all of you realize your successes, however you define them,

Jen (a.k.a. scarsarestories) xoxo

http://www.practiceofmadness.com

Comment by Patricia Woodside on May 26, 2011 at 2:35pm

Thanks for this and all your other SheWrites posts.  I've learned a lot, but mostly I've been inspired by your words.  Congratulations on finding what success means for you, and for chasing it to achieve your goals.

Comment by Stephanie Jefferson on May 26, 2011 at 2:32pm

Tayari,

Your post not only inspired me, but confirmed a recent decision of mine. As a licensed psychologist I spent a career helping teens and young kids sort out who they wanted to be and what would make that so. I've since retired and began writing full time. Somehow I lost that simple truth of being the only person who could define who/what it is that I am.

 

I have a manuscript that I absolutely believe in and have shopped around for a while. The feedback I received from editors and agents was amazing, but no bites. For whatever reasons I began to believe that maybe I was wrong about the ms and should just shelve it.

 

One day when I was grousing about my lack of success, and of course it must follow that there is a lack of ability and talent, something amazing occurred to me. While I was complaining about no one willing to invest in my story it hit me, if I believe so much in this ms why wasn't I willing to invest in it myself. This led me to the decision to turn the ms into an eBook and publish independently.

 

You are absolutely right about definitions of success. What I am is a story-teller, so why not tell the story? Thank you for the reminder and confirmation.

Comment by Stacy S. Jensen on May 26, 2011 at 2:19pm

Thanks for sharing this. I define personal success by happiness. And, what makes me happy changes as I change.

Comment by Sharmaine L Hobbs on May 26, 2011 at 2:08pm

Thanks for writing this and for sharing your heart! This is the first post I've read but I will make a point to start from the beginning and learn of your journey.  We are kindred spirits somewhat, in how we approach and feel about writing. One thing writing hones in on, is our individual "point of view" about things.  Like you,  I've found my own point of view and approach to writing.  Even though we need the boost along the way, I've come to believe that writing is no more "mysterious" than any other career choice we take.  I further believe wholeheartedly in my inborn GPS ~ my heart ~ to guide me safely through this wonderful world of writing.  It has turned my life upside down, and then right side up, but I'm following my own heart to reach the intended destination moreso than a lot of the advice out there.  Not that it isn't good, but I view it more like the David and Goliath battle...his weapon of choice, what worked for him in the past, was five smooth stones and a slingshot...not the heavy armor or advise of well meaning colleagues about how he should approach that battle.  He relied on his "own style" for victory and I take that same approach to writing.  Much of what you said struck a cord with me and I'm most grateful for your insights.  There are so many roads to achieving and defining success,  as unique and individual as we are.  For me, I look back to what has made me successfull in other endeavors and apply it as a template for my writing. Best of everything to you!  Looking forward to reading everything you had to say...so I'm starting at the end of your journey and rewinding the tape...I know how it ends before I know the beginning!

Comment by Colleen Friesen on May 26, 2011 at 1:46pm

What a wonderful piece of writing...another 'success'  :) Thank you for sharing your insights and for following your heart. Joseph Campbell said to, 'Follow your bliss'.

Success isn't defined by societal mores, but rather success is defined by each and every one of us - on our terms - but only if we choose that definition. External validation is ultimately a pretty lonely road.

Thanks again for your story.

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