Talking for Writers

Every so often, I’m asked to speak about pitching to a group of writers. This is easy for me because I love pitching and I love writers. I also love making people cry, and that happens, I am not kidding, about sixty percent of the time. Not everyone, of course – it’s not like I force them to sit through Terms of Endearment. But one person in the room, one person with a story she believes to be unpitchable, oh, yeah. Pass the Kleenex.

Why? Why is it so amazing to hear your story pitched? I do think there’s a certain amount of relief in realizing that it can be done. But I also think we are all desperate to be heard. When a pitch is right, it conveys exactly what you want the world to understand about the heart of your story. You get heard. That’s very powerful.

So how do you get to that? How do you pitch your story? Here are the steps:

1) Be accurate. Do not worry about what the elusive “they” want to hear. Be honest. No one likes a bait-and-switch.

2) Set up their listening. What I mean by this is, prepare them for what they are about to hear. Is it a book, a webseries, a feature, a play? If the form is understood – if you’re at a mystery book convention, for instance – let them know the subgenre: thriller, cosy, procedural, paranormal. If they don’t know what to expect, they won’t be able to connect to your story. I once found myself performing in a gruesome, dark, emotionally-exhausting scene in what the judges expected to be a comedy competition. Funny only in retrospect, trust me.

3) Take the time to tell your story. There is a difference between a logline and a pitch. A logline is usually a sentence long and its only job is to get them to say, “Tell me more.” Your pitch is what you say after that, and its job is to get them to request the script or book proposal or manuscript. Don’t rush, don’t skimp. You’re a storyteller; you’re already good at this part.

4) Only tell the essence of your story. This is the tricky bit. Figure out what the heart of your story is and convey that, and only that. The details, even the character names – they don’t matter as much as you think they do. Take whatever time you need, but don’t squander their good will by being unfocused.

5) Don’t be afraid to insert your own passion and your connection to the material into the pitch. What drew you to tell this story in this way? That’s fascinating and engaging. Share.

Speaking of sharing, that’s how you’ll know if your pitch works. Share it with friends and family. Watch their eyes. Notice when they start to glaze over. Rework those bits. Also, say it out loud to yourself. If you get goosebumps, you’re on the right track.

Feeling brave? Share your logline or pitch here!

Tags: logline, marketing, pitch, pitching

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Comment by Laura Brennan on March 13, 2012 at 6:20pm: @Olga: Personally, I think your story is so compelling -the what if - I think that's the pitch. Very much as you said it, just a bit edited down. Something like:

When I was young and poor, I often thought: what if someone showed up at my door, a lawyer maybe, and said that I had been switched at birth and my birth family is rich. And they’re looking for me. What would I do? What would my mother do? And - here was the real fantasy - what would my other mother do? Would she want me just as much as the mother I knew?

There's plenty of time in the follow-up pitch to go into the heart of the story. You didn't give me the title! But I'd start the pitch/query with the logline/personal story, above, and then, new paragraph: [Title] is how that childhood fantasy plays out - with all the complications and sadness and compromise and mess that children never consider when they make their crazy wishes.

And then give the details, but in the same relaxed tone. See how that feels for you.

:) - Laura

Comment by Amy L Peterson on March 13, 2012 at 5:46pm: My pitch:

   Amy is a 30-year-old woman with a career path, a balance in her checking account, and a list of reasons why not to have children.

   Mark is an older, divorced guy with four kids, an Army cot for a bed, and enough fishing tackle to sink a small boat.

   Amy falls for Mark hook, line and hundreds of dollars in sinkers.

   From Zero to Four Kids in Thirty Seconds is a humorous yet compelling story about becoming a stepmother to four kids, ages three, five, 13 and 15. It has fun chapter titles like "Can't We Just Duct Tape Them Together and Send Them Outside?" and has 70 tips, including, "Tip: 25: If you must be To Dog all the time, you're barking up the wrong tree." It is a must-read for stepmothers and future stepmothers, and a fun read for anyone who needs a light romance that might just make them laugh out loud.

Comment by Pamela Olson on March 13, 2012 at 4:34pm: Very helpful, thanks! I've been getting advice lately to go the more serious route, because the Middle East is supposed to be serious, and people need to take me seriously. There is a lot of serious stuff in the book, of course, but the whole point is that it's not the usual depressing slog -- there's a lot of fun and humor and romance and adventure, too. This is (a) because it's true, (b) to make the horrors stand out all the more starkly, and (c) to get people to read about the Middle East who (like me) don't enjoy depressing slogs.

Delighted to have your second opinion. :)

Comment by Mary Kennedy Eastham on March 13, 2012 at 4:27pm: Great post. I'm going to a Women's Networking meeting in a week. I'll be sure to review these wonderful suggestions to knock 'em dead! I just finished a 3 week online course on writing a logline, premise etc. so here's mine for my novella The Girl With Sand in Her Hair:

LOGLINE: A surfer girl finds herself drawn to a boy afraid of the water.

PREMISE: Both children of divorce, Pippa Arabella Swann and Billy Blinker love each other.

They really do. But she's obsessed with surfing and her singing career and he's terrified of open water

and is ready to be a Dad. When a little girl goes missing in their beachside town of Amelia Bay,

they set out to rescue her, finding the common ground of their cherished love along the way.

Comment by Laura Brennan on March 13, 2012 at 4:05pm: @Pamela: Awesome logline. End the sentence after "Holy Land."

For the pitch, you're starting it too dry. C'mon, I want to hear the juicy stuff - the bartender turned press secretary to the candidate who was going to change the future of Palestine. Your logline promises "fast times" - the pitch has to deliver on that promise. Given that, breezy is good - the tone of the pitch should reflect the tone of the memoir. Finally, it's a memoir - why use the third person in the pitch? (In the logline, yes, but the pitch should be more personal.)

Those are my thoughts. Hope they're useful! - Laura

Comment by Pamela Olson on March 13, 2012 at 3:53pm: By the way, if you want to see the fuller synopsis (so you can know what the other stuff is trying to describe), it's on the front page of my website: http://pamolson.org

Thanks for helping us out with this!

Comment by Laura Brennan on March 13, 2012 at 3:26pm: Goodness! I am so impressed that so many of you are brave enough to post your loglines and pitches! Fantastic.

And @Bonnie, I know. I'm sorry. But the good news is, once you get it, a good logline makes it easier to talk about your work. It's not about performing as much as it is about finding the words that will make it effortless. That's why I'm such a big believer in accuracy. Truth is just easier to say.

Okay, let me tackle Alli's logline:

First, start with the genre. "Vestige" is a romantic adventure. Excellent.

Next, what's special about it? Here's what stuck with me after reading the pitch: she's got a ne'er-do-well-husband and an exciting new lover. And she's about to find out that one of them is the reincarnation of her soulmate... and the other of her past-life killer. And she has no idea which is which.

That's the bit I love. So for me, the logline is something like:

"Vestige" is a romantic adventure about a stewardess - sorry, flight attendent - who discovers she's actually a reincarnated soul-with-a-mission: protect civilization. She failed in a past life to protect the Inca; now she's got a shot a redemption and two gorgeous men in tow - but only if she can figure out which of them is her soulmate, and which her past-life killer.

It's a bit wordy, but you've got a complicated plot. Plus the extra words are for effect, they give what I assume is the flavor of the piece. I know you love "Stewardess turned Indiana Jones in high heels" because it's a lovable phrase, but it's too much. I'll give you "Indiana Jones in high heels" as the tag to your query-letter pitch, because it's a good note to end on, but leave out stewardess.

For the query letter, start with the logline and then tell the important bits - the necklace, more about the bad guy, and definitely keep the bit about her disastrous relationship choices.

Hope this helps!

Comment by Olga Godim on March 13, 2012 at 2:08pm: Great post. Thank you, Laura.

When I was young and poor, I often thought: what if someone came to me, a notary or a lawyer, and said that I was switched at birth and my birth family is rich. And they’re looking for me. What would I do? What would my mother do? Which mother? That fantasy never came true, but much later, I wrote a novel about it. Below is my pitch, which I include in my query letters. So far, no one is interested. I never thought about including what I said above into the queries. Should I?

My mainstream novel [Title] incorporates the exploration of unfamiliar places (Russia and Israel), the complications of quirky mother-daughter relationships, and a pinch of humor.

Amanda, an affluent 60-year-old widow, lives in Vancouver with her daughter Gloria. After a shocking discovery that Gloria was switched at birth 34 years ago in a small Russian town, Amanda embarks on a trip to Russia to find her biological daughter. Although she is afraid of losing Gloria, who is not thrilled by the new competition, Amanda wouldn’t succumb to her fears. She perseveres, navigating through the tricky currents of Russian bureaucracy.

Sonya, a hard-working 34-year-old Russian-Jewish immigrant, also lives in Vancouver with her teenager daughter Ksenya. After kicking out her alcoholic husband, Sonya is trying to reconcile with Ksenya, but the girl wouldn't forgive her mother's betrayal of her father. The usual ingredients of teenage rebellion—drugs, thievery, and defiance—block Sonya's quest to regain her daughter's trust. Although the obstacles the two mothers face are different, the price of failure is the same: losing her daughter. But the price of success might surprise them both.

Comment by Pamela Olson on March 13, 2012 at 1:53pm: Logline: Fast Times in Palestine is a memoir of a young woman from Oklahoma who finds herself unexpectly caught up in the beauty and terror of the Holy Land and its decades-long conflict.

Pitch: This book illuminates crucial, little-understood years of Israeli-Palestinian history during and after the second Intifada, from the death of Yasser Arafat to the Gaza Disengagement to the Hamas election victory. But to the author -- who stumbled into Palestine a clueless ex-bartender and quickly became a journalist and foreign press coordinator for a Palestinian presidential candidate -- Palestine wasn't just about violence, terror, and politics. What struck her even more were the daily rounds of house parties, concerts, barbecues, weddings, jokes, harvests, and romantic drama that happened in between. This novel-like narrative ramps the reader up to a sophisticated, multi-faceted, and deeply human understanding of one of the longest-running and most covered yet misunderstood conflicts in modern history.

Comment by Alli Sinclair on March 13, 2012 at 1:40pm: Thank you so much for this informative post, Laura and a big thank you for offering to look at our pitches and give a critique.

The following isn't getting much interest when I query, I'm afraid. So any suggestions would be greatly appreciated!

Logline pitch:

To stop the fatal powers of an Incan relic, a feisty flight attendant turned Indiana Jones in heels, must learn if her ex husband or new lover is a reincarnation of the soul mate she lost in a past life.

Query letter pitch:

Tess Garibaldi is a feisty flight attendant turned Indiana Jones in high
heels. Her past collides with the present when she discovers she’s a
Vestige--a reincarnated soul sent to protect civilizations. Haunted by
the failure in a past life to save her Incan soul mate and his people,
Tess sets out to destroy the Trinity Necklace, an Incan artifact that
causes death by incurable disease.

To end the destructive powers of the relic forever, Tess must find and
stop the enemy from her past and present lives and reunite with her
reincarnated Incan lover. With a handsome anthropologist and dodgy
ex-husband as the only candidates for mate or foe, Tess must choose
wisely. Given her history of disastrous relationship decisions,
choosing between the men she loves won’t be easy. But if she doesn’t
get it right, Tess will not only lose her soul mate forever, the wrong
choice could set off a chain of destruction.

VESTIGE is an 85,000 word romantic adventure that weaves a present-day story with an ancient historical romance reminiscent of Michelle Moran and has mythical themes as evoked by Jessica Andersen’s Final Prophecy series.

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