Yesterday, I spent the day on the couch, in the dark, dwelling on what is not going right in my life and what if anything my future holds. 

I was beyond blue..

Besides my financial situation, what weighs heaviest on my heart is this writing life. A life that I did not choose - it chose me. If I could have chosen something else - I would have, 'cause this writing thing can be heartbreaking on levels that I will not even go into.

But here's the thing - it's a gift, this writing thing. And one should never turn a gift away or ask the giver to explain it. One should accept gifts with grace and humility. The gift - no matter how small - should be put to use, no matter what the naysayers have to say.

I was reminded of this very thing yesterday as I sat watching (for the umpteenth time) the documentary: A Man Named Pearl, which tells the inspiring story of self-taught topiary artist Pearl Fryar.

What stands out for me in this story is when a gentleman, after viewing and carefully inspecting Pearl's magnificent garden, turned to Pearl and said, "You should not be able to do this. You don't have any formal horticultural training."

Pearls response was, "I didn't know that I shouldn't be able to do this."

I get chills every time I hear him say that!

It's similar to the story of the Bumble Bee. Did you know that based on the shape of the Bumble Bee, it should not be able to fly? It is not aerodynamically designed for flight! But it flies nonetheless. Maybe if someone told it early on that it couldn't fly then we'd have Bumble Bee's crawling all over the ground. If someone told Pearl Fyar that he couldn't grow plants in the spectacular way he does - then we wouldn't have his beautiful garden to visit and wonder at.

I've had people say that I should not know how to write - the way I write - because I did not have any formal training. I've also been told that because I do not hold an MFA I will never be able to break into the Literary Circles that one needs to be connected to in order to secure certain residencies, awards, grants and fellowships.

It is so true the adage: Knowledge is a powerful thing. Knowledge can build you up and sometimes it can break you down.

So yesterday, at least for part of the day - I was on the downside of the knowledge is power thing. But today - is a better day. It's a bright, frigidly cold day and I feel renewed!

I went to bed thinking about Pearl and the Bumble Bee and woke up this morning with the decision to do away with the so-called "rules" of this writing life and return to the blissful ignorance that has carried me through the writing and publication of thirteen novels. 

I'm going to relish in my gift and not worry it away. I'm going to be a pearl and fly like a bumble bee straight into 2012.

Won't you join me?

This is my holiday wish for myself and for all of you.......

Until next year.....