November 18th, 2009.

Last month I left a comment of encouragement for Beth Hoffman, who shared that she was so nervous about the pre-release of her book. My advise was to do all she could do, then just breathe. I added that I also had a book launch coming up, and that I hoped I would be able to follow my own advise. I’ve read numerous posts on various forums, about how nerves can get the best of writers; a writer has so much riding on a publication or launch, which makes each case one of panic and chaos leading up to the event. Thankfully, most of us usually walk away with a triumphant feeling that it turned out well in the end, and the hysteria was something to learn from, yet never the desire to be repeated. I asked myself on more than one occasion during my upcoming event, “Am I taking the advise I gave?” I know that no matter how prepared we feel we might be for something both thrilling and nerve wrecking, there are always situations we have no control over. So in that case, I say again “Do all that you can do, then just breathe.” Here’s my story.

The venue for local artists on Eleuthera to showcase their work is small. Musicians have a wider audience, next comes painters. I think writers are on even less traveled ground. Most of the local publications are geared towards NEWS & TOURISM. Nassau, on the other hand offers many more opportunities for all artists. I am among the growing number of Bahamian artists who feel we need to take the focus off servitude, and focus more on the fact that the word BAHAMAS must not always be associated with VACATION. On the other hand, art is quickly becoming a reason to visit the Bahamas. Bahamian artists have talents that are on par with artists anywhere else in the world. That is exactly what is displayed at the HAYNES LIBRARY FAIR held every November for the past 14 years. I consider it the event of the year on Eleuthera. This year however, for the first time, I am a participant of the arts and not just a spectator.

The reason I decided to self-publish/self-bind my own books over a year ago, was because publishing companies in the Bahamas only self publish. No company here will pay me to publish my works of fiction. The companies I contacted in the Bahamas charged approximately $5,000.00 to publish 500 copies of my books. Not only do I not have that amount of money to self publish at this time, there was also the issue of not being able to afford a professional editor. I prefer to have 10 copies of my book published with a typo or grammatical error, and go into my files and correct it, than to have 500 copies with a mistake, where I would have to wait until they all sold to do a second printing. The self publishing companies in the US were not much different as far as costs. So, I invested $1,000.00 and produced three POD books myself. This way I do all the work, and receive all the profits. Also, I always know what I want and where I want it, and as far as fonts, page layouts and so forth, it’s so sad when I pick up a book that was self published and I have to ask myself wither the author intended it to be the way the finished product is. I like to have control over my work, after all it is a reflection on me.

The months leading up to the fair were filled with anxiety. This is where I think the Universe started laughing at me. My first dilemma was with LULU PUBLISHING- my first self-publishing outside of my own private publishing company; a collection of poetry entitled THE STRUGGLE CONTINUES. I published the first draft, but when the proof book arrived, Lulu had changed the font size, and it was much too small. I had to revise the book. This time the font was perfect, but the pages were not centered properly; there was an inch and a half of blank space at the top of the pages. It really doesn’t look like a mistake as I fortunately have page boarders and the space is possible ‘headnotes’ instead of ‘footnotes’. I decided to go with that, the book looks really good and the perfect binding was great. I selected from Lulu covers instead of uploading one of my own.

Next, I tried publishing a second and third book with Lulu and that was a nightmare. I did 10 revisions of the books and none of them come out properly. Regardless of what size I formatted my book to, and uploaded the same on the PDF, Lulu ‘converted’ my files and the books were printed “out of wack”; some headings began in the middle of the page, page numbers and text were all over the place. I was so frustrated. I couldn’t imagine someone at Lulu actually picking up these books, flipping through it, seeing the mess it was; knowing quite well that NOBODY would pay for that junk, and still packaging it and mailing it out!

It seems Lulu wants customers to purchase THEIR formatting packages. Mayor companies like Reader’s Digest and other well known publishers use Lulu for publishing, so I don’t see how Lulu could be so unfair to individuals publishing books with them. And there was no one I could call and get the matter straightened out!

I was not about to spend hundreds of dollars for a company to format my books. It’s less expensive to print the books myself. The perfect binding compared to the comb binding I had been using (and which some of my books for the fair would be in) was not reason enough to pay hundreds of dollars for. In the market I intended to sell, past customers said the form of binding I used was not a deterrent to them purchasing. Of course, when I sell to a larger market, and if my plan to get my work in Bahamian schools and libraries comes to fruition, I would use the perfect binding. After the experience with Lulu, I began looking at purchasing my own perfect binding machine, just as I had done with the comb binding, to print and produce my future books in perfect bind. At this point however, the immediate goal was getting books completed for the upcoming fair.

I didn’t have time at this point to invest more money, or try a new self publishing company. I did try CREATE SPACE, but that company required tax payments being deducted from the sale of books, and as a Bahamian, I’m not used to income taxes. I didn’t want to do that.

I decided for the second and third books, to purchase Lulu covers, print my own books and bind them myself. I was paying Lulu for the covers, and printing Lulu as the cover publishers, so what I did with the covers once I bought them was really not their concern. That decided, I published the covers and the title page with Lulu, ordered multiple copies of these and THE STRUGGLE CONTINUES (which I was happy to get a very good author’s discount) before a 20% discount on the entire order during the Columbus day sale. Then ordered ink to print. My goal was to have 100 books on sale at the fair.

The ink arrived first. At this point the Universe was having a ball at my expense. I bought five cartons of refurbished black ink, hoping it would get me through 30 copies of books approximately 140 pages. I had a refill for each carton. I ordered the ink online. A new carton of black ink here cost $52.00 each. I found the refurbished in the US for $7.00 each. With the S & H and import taxes, that brought each carton to $15.20; a worth while purchase. However, THREE of the five cartons were no good and had to be discarded. One carton, which worked, only printed a small amount of pages and would not work after being refilled. I ended up printing only 6 of the 30 books I had aimed for. I compensated a fraction by printing 10 copies of the first story in a six story book on my back-up printer, and by printing a display copy of the other book that I would invite people to order. My books are POD after all.

Then, there was the issue of the airline in the US that Lulu shipped to, and would deliver my books by plane to my island, claiming they never received the box! I couldn’t complete the 6 books I had printed because the covers were coming from Lulu. More importantly, the book, which I had been promoting for weeks, and had ordered 42 copies of from Lulu, THE STRUGGLE CONTINUES, was in that shipment! I had to send an e-mail through Lulu support stating that the company in Fort Lauderdale said they hadn’t received the box. This is where Lulu really came through and has to be commended. Right away they sent an e-mail that they had tracked the delivery by Fed Ex, confirmed it had been delivered, gave me that number and they considered the matter closed. I used the Fed Ex tracking number, saw that the delivery was made to the airline with exact date, time, and person who signed for it. The delivery was made two and a half weeks before I called the airline and was told it had not arrived. Universe realizing it could feed off this for a while.

I called the airline again, told them who signed for the package, time and date, and gave the Fed Ex number. Then, they found the shipment in their warehouse. It took another frustrating week of calling the airline, and jumping through hoops to have the box finally delivered to my area, at a price of $55.00. The company is lousy, and they seem to get away with being lousy because they are the only scheduled flight direct to my area. I have little choice than to put up with them. The universe was laughing I know, because I had done a test run with this airline (after working with them for 12 years when I was a Customs agent) to see if their services had improved. I had four previous shipments from Lulu, and three shipments from the ink company, all of which had arrived promptly, including a one week period between ordering, shipping, and collecting at the airport in my area. Admittedly, these were small shipments which did not require freight charges and were sent in the mail bag, but by these experiences, I felt confident enough to use this company for my big project. And wouldn’t you know it, it was a mess.

In the midst of preparing for the fair and the stress that came with it, the poor economy is causing added pressures. My sister, best friend, and rock; all rolled up into one person, realized she cannot survive here on her writing alone and relocated to Nassau to seek employment. This situation is intensified by strain of our relationship with our mother. A daughter’s relationship with her mother is so very important, but at this point my sister and I feel like orphans with no one to turn to (our father died when I was two). We really know the meaning of “starving artist”, and trust me, it’s not half as glamorous as it sounds. Following our dreams has brought us to the toughest point in our lives, and I keeping hoping that I would wake up and discover this part of it has all been a bad dream. Had it not been for writing, my sister, and my faith in God, I would have lost all hope and desire to fight. Writing keeps me alive, so I press on.

At the same time however, I don’t think there is ever a situation as plain as black or white. Despite this being a very difficult time in my life, amidst it comes the jubilation of following my dreams, producing books that people I have known for a very long time, and share mutual respect, make comments on how much they enjoyed my work. That in itself is worth the finger wringing, as I ponder how I will pay bills, after leaving a job where I earned ten times more than I do at this present time. My former job left me feeling unfulfilled, ashamed, uncreative, and stressed beyond the paycheck amount. Now, although struggling, there is so much hope and fulfillment for my future. I have literally built a business from the ground up, and am proud of my accomplishments thus far.

So, my box arrives on the island and I collect it at the same office I worked in two years ago. It was so exciting to see the stacks of glossy books already completed and just needing a price sticker. With the book covers, again, another glitch as a result of Lulu, the Universe rolls over with laughter. But I quickly use the glitch to my benefit. A week and a half until the fair, and with 80 pieces of literature priced and ready, lists made; I say to myself “Sherelle, you’ve done all that you can do, now just breathe.”