Suddenly there wasn’t a sound. All movement had stopped. This was remarkable as the room was filled with grade school children and their teachers. The kids were too stunned to even fidget. No-one could believe their ears. Had Lina Mercuna just said what they thought she said? It was a scandal of epic elementary school proportions.

We were all assembled there in the cafetorium (a room used as both a cafeteria and an auditorium) for our annual Christmas assembly. We got out of class for it. It was a big deal.

Each teacher would pick a boy and a girl from their class to go up onstage and sit on visiting Santa’s lap. One at a time, the class proxy would tell Santa Claus what they wanted for Christmas and then get a box of candy canes to share with their class. There was only one box per pair, it was festive not extravagant. Usually it was a big honor to be chosen and our class reps took their roles seriously. 

This  year my second grade teacher, Miss Rothenbucher had chosen Lina Mercuna and Richard Paradise. These were odd choices. Richard, a big boy of 7, was boisterous and a player of pranks. Lina, also a bit chubby, was a brat with sass. I recently heard from a friend that Lina was mean and would often scratch new cars just for the heck of it. I liked her OK. as long as she didn't pick on me.   She was a troublemaker but she was entertaining. I admired her for her lack of  fear and how  she was daring in a way I couldn’t even dream of.

Our teacher Miss Rothenbucher seemed like she didn’t really like children but I think in actuality she was just humorless. Perhaps she had a fracture in her funny bone after many years of fake burping and arm farts. She would have had no appreciation of Richard’s pranks or Lina’s troublemaking. So why had she chosen them to represent the class? I’m fairly certain that after this historic Santa sitting at Lincoln Glen Elementary School, she wondered why too.

After the kindergarteners and the first graders did their Santa duty, it was time for Richard and Lina. Richard ran onto the stage and tried to pull at Santa’s beard but stopped when he noticed the scowling body-elf on guard. He confided in Santa that he wanted a bike or a baseball bat or something innocuous and then dismounted from the lap of honor and stood to the side. Once the solemnity of the occasion hit him, he had  followed Mrs. Rothenbucher’s instructions almost to the letter.

Once Richard was done, Lina took her seat on top of old Santy Claus. Though not overly pretty child, she had her hair in dark curls and had a red bow over each ear and looked perky and full of holiday joy. She also appeared to be in an obedient mood. Soon her job would be done and it would be Mrs Wilson's class representatives up onstage with Father Christmas.  

Santa turned to Lina and asked “What would you like for Christmas?” Instead of saying a doll or roller skates as expected, Lina said in a loud and clear voice “a new teacher!”

Obviously neither Santa nor any of his staff had been trained on how to handle such a disrespectful answer. Everyone on the stage, everyone who was gathered around Santa’s make-shift Christmas Chalet  stood frozen and silent, everyone except Lina who asked “Can I have our candy canes now?” Lina had thrown protocol right into the garbage  along with the leftover pronto pups and fruit cups. 

For a moment it seemed as if Miss Rothenbutcher’s class would be deprived of our class gift but Santa handed box over to Lina and unceremoniously pushed her from his lap. Her visit with Santa had been terminated.

Instead of walking directly back to where our class was sitting, Lina paused, ignoring everything that Miss Rothenbutcher had drummed into her head , took a cane from the box,  unwrapped it and stuck it into her mouth! Then she took a second one and did the same thing. She did it again and again until her mouth was stuffed with candy canes. Then with a giggle, she spit them out like bullets at the kids sitting on the aisle as she walked back to where our class was sitting. 

Everybody was stunned. No-one had ever pulled such a stunt at the Christmas assembly before and no-one ever would again. Miss Rothenbutcher grabbed Lina before she got to her seat and pulled her out of the cafetorium. We never found out what Miss Rothenbutcher said to Lina but it must have been stern.  By the time we got back from the assembly, Lina was already in her seat looking just as contrite as can be.

Unfortunately  our class never did get our box of candy canes. Since there was no longer enough to go around Miss Rothenbutcher made the decision that no-one would get any. Sure Lina,  it is all very well and fine to pull a stunt like you did with Santa but when you make us lose our allotted candy, then you are hurting everybody.

Immediately when I got home from school that day, I told my mother what had happened. She seemed minimally surprised but not especially shocked as Lina did have a reputation as being a pint sized bad girl.

I then asked my mother a completely unexpected question, how would Santa give Lina what she asked for? If you asked he was required to deliver, wasn’t he? My mother explained that just because you asked Santa for something you didn’t always necessarily get it. Did I remember when I asked for the Easy Bake Oven and didn’t get that? “Yes,” I countered “but that was only because there had been a problem in production over at Santa’s workshop.”

Since removal of Miss Rotchenbutcher wasn’t a physical item, it couldn’t run out. I believed that it was Santa’s duty to supply a child’s wish no matter how politically incorrect. Besides Miss Rothenbutcher was too strict. 

Upon further contemplation, I then asked how Santa could have taken the day off from his job of supervising toy making at the North Pole to come to our school? For that matter, how was he also at the Department store in the mall? I didn’t want to cast aspersions but it looked as if Santa was running himself ragged with all his part time jobs.

Perhaps my mother wanted to clear Santa’s good name or she had just became annoyed with me but she suddenly said that Santa didn’t exist per se- it was the Christmas spirit that caused all the magic to happen.

A Christmas spirit not Santa that brought all the presents? Not exactly, my mother explained further. There was a little bit of Christmas spirit in everybody, so everybody could give gifts or make wishes come true.

Since Lina wasn’t sincere in her Christmas wish and was just being a smart aleck, no-one needed to make sure she got what she had asked for. Though  my mother was pretty sure that Lina had gotten something; at the very least she had been given a Christmas scolding.

I felt completely deflated. There was no Santa Claus and that Christmas spirit theory was sketchy at best. I had always made sure to be on the nice list and for what: a Christmas spirit who may or may not get you what you want? The Christmas Spirit was a bigger fake than Santa Claus and in the end being “good” didn’t count for squat. Because of Lina's bad behavior and my mother's irritation I had learned the truth of old Saint Nick.