My Life has always been interesting, and very different from most people's. However it's been very emotional lately; There is a part in a song I love, "Wheel of the World" that says something like: "There's a person giving birth, and somewhere there's a person taking their last breath" - its very true to what I've been going thru. I've heard about friends of mine giving birth and have seen lots of new pictures of friend's children - all of whom are beautiful! At the same time, I've sat and cried upon hearing that family members and dear friends of my family have passed away. It's these times, when I truly have no words to make anything better, that I have learned I don't always NEED to have an answer, or explanation. Sometimes, just being there is all someone needs. The truth is; I don't understand why this happened to them, or why it happens to anyone, for that matter. God has a reason for everything, and I never doubt His plan, but alot of things don't make sense. I feel so helpless, and wish there were so much more I could do, but instead of trying so hard to "fix" the problem, sometimes, I just need to physically and emotionally be there. In that moment, it's enough.
Here is a bible verse that's been very helpful to me lately....
Psalm 34: I will bless the LORD at all times; His praise shall continually be in my mouth...I sought the LORD, and He answered me, and delivered me from all my fears...But they who seek the LORD shall not be in want of any good thing...The LORD is near to the brokenhearted, And saves those who are crushed in spirit. none of those who take refuge in Him will be condemned.
The past few weeks have been full of lessons and learning for me. Life is full of surprises, questions, uncertainty, happiness, loss, sadness, disappointment, love, compassion, etc....one thing I have learned over time, is to never get comfortable. As soon as you do - God will move you! I have also learned alot the past few months about myself. I used to think I set standards too high - but after one failing relationship after another came my way, I started evaluating what I "required" in a guy. I realized, I had these expectations that were way beyond what most people could live up to, and considered re-drafting them mentally to make them more attainable. Recently, while having coffee with a friend, I had something pointed out to me that I'd never considered. She said "I don't think your expectations are too high at all. You should never "settle". The person who will end up ultimately marrying you and being your partner for life should never be anything but the best. If a guy is too scared to try and love you perfectly (knowing that no one is ever, truly perfect) then you shouldn't waste your time on him". Basically what she was saying was, we all know no one is perfect. We all make mistakes and mess up and let each other down constantly. BUT in true love, you should always be unselfish and giving, and this should never be a burden, or an inconvenience. If it is - you're with the wrong person! I am so grateful to have people in my life who aren't afraid of sharing advice that may not be easy to speak, or easy for ME to accept.
I recently re-read a book that I loved the FIRST time around; "Beyond Belief" by Josh Hamilton has changed my life. I loved it even more the 2nd time around. I'm a huge sports nut anyway, but reading what one of my favorite baseball players went through, just blew me away. Being someone who has never tried any kind of drug in my life - all I know of them is what I've heard from friends who have gone down that destructive path - what Josh shares in this book is not only moving and very personal - but it encourages me. If he can overcome all that HE did, I can certainly get through a hard day every now and then.
Love everybody and tell them you do! Hugs all around!!