Flower Symbolism for Dummies

By Phoebe Wilcox

Chapter One

Past Lives

Death is not pretty and past lives are not glamorous. Witches with velvet hats and celebrity skin only exist in Hollywood and HD format. The fantasy types who get to be the main characters in books and movies are nothing but trumped up, airbrushed frauds. In real life witches are just like everyone else—they go grocery shopping; they get parking tickets; they go to law school; they have bad credit.

On Sunday afternoon, surrounded by a mess of papers and stacks of law books, and oppressed by the nagging idea of the dirty laundry in the hamper, Rennie looks back on her week.

Monday: “Ugh!” She tore the parking ticket from beneath her wiper blade and threw it in the street.

Tuesday: I miss Timmy. Why aren’t there any cute men in this town?

Wednesday: So sick of studying. Can’t wait ‘til the Bar Exam is over and done.

Thursday: Forgot cumin again. How the am I supposed to make moussaka without cumin?

Friday: “Hi Meredith, it’s Rennie. How’s about you, me, Redbox, and a pint of Ben and Jerry’s tonight?”

Saturday: Why am I so irritated by all the Saturday morning bicyclists in their spandex SPF clothes in line at the breakfast deli? Ah, I know! Because I’m behind them and haven’t had my coffee yet.   

OKAY, THAT"S THE END OF THE EXCERPT. It goes on from there 400 pages or so, but I have to fix, fix, fix it all up up up. Will probably cut it by half.

Here's that Madonna video where she wears a guy's suit and grabs her crotch. I love that part.

Express Yourself