She feels “left out” of her son’s life. As a little boy he was by her side constantly.
He relied on her to be there every step of the way. From starting Sunday School to
starting Kindergarten. He could not make that first step very easily. He was safe
in knowing that she was there seeing him off and then being there to pick him up.
As he got older he slowly started retreating. He still knows that she is there to
support him but he is becoming a man and wants to make his own decisions. She
wants him to but misses the attention that he once gave her. Being an only child
for both of them is a very similar experience. She does sometimes forget though
how it was when she was his age and acted much the same way. She wonders if
her mother went through the same emotions that she is going through now.
She tries to keep her perspective but as they both get older it is harder. She knows
that this is what should happen and wants it to be a good experience for both of
them, so she suffers in private not letting anyone know how she feels. She puts on
a brave front and fools people into thinking that she “has it all together”. She
wonders if other mothers go through this transition. She planned for this but didn’t
realize how hard it would be. Crying has become a daily routine. It gives her
some relief but she feels weak and foolish when the feelings come to the surface.
She looks forward to her son going off and becoming whatever he wants to be
because she knows he can. As a little boy he always did everything in his own
time. It was as if he always knew the right time for him to accomplish the things
that other children may have already been doing.
She is very proud of him and knows that he will be great at whatever he decides to
do. She just wishes that he could write her a note once in a while letting her know
that he still needs her to be there and wants her to feel included in some way.
She knows that this will pass and that it has to happen for both of them to grow,
but she still wishes that his childhood would have taken a little longer to happen
and that she could go back to different moments in the past and relive them all over
again. She does go back sometimes in pictures and remembers every little detail of
that moment and how special it really was.
Motherhood has been the best experience in her life and she knows that it will
continue to be the best accomplishment she has every undertaken.