If I could tell him one thing, it would be this: be who you are, now.  I can tell him, but not without that lingering notion that I don’t really mean it. I can tell him, but not yet without the tears in my eyes.

If I could say one last thing, it would be this: love you who are, now…right now.  I can tell him, but he’s not ready.  I can say the words, but he thinks me biased, blinded by preciousness.

I tell you this: I have seen unconditional love.  I have held it tightly only to let it fly.  I have danced with it until my feet were bruised and bloodied.  I have taken it on as me.

And then I get scared.

Yet above and below there is a sense that we are safe.  I bleed into it sometimes.  I feel pushed by it.  The unconditional love is there.  It is a well I draw from on instinct.  When I look in his eyes, I drink from that well.  We live there, I think.  But we forget.

So I’ll tell him all I feel compelled to in silence.  I will whisper it as a prayer to this soft, yet empty room.  I will let my words bounce gently off the walls and gather them up as light kisses on my skin.

And I will know: I can be who I am, now.  I can love who I am, now…right now.

And all is unfolding just as it should.

Indeed, I cannot be anything but what I am.

---

http://danielleboonstra.com

I am the author of Without Fear of Falling, my first novel due out in April 2013.

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Tags: communication, love, marriage, pain, self-love

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CHARACTERS

No matter what genre your fiction falls into, we all have one thing in common, we have to populate our work with people.  This group is for discussing those characters who add life to our novels.
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Cindy Zelman replied to the discussion 'At Six Months, She Stops Brushing Her Teeth. What Now?' in the group Funny Women
"This essay is now included in a collection available from Winged City Chapbook Press. What's in a Butch's Purse and Other Humorous Essays. Yes, that's my book. please order if you are interested. www.wingcitychapbooks.com "
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Cindy Zelman commented on the blog post 'What's in a Butch's Purse? Humor and help for those being persecuted!'
"Most of the essays from the book were published online at one time. If you're interested in a preview, here you go: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/cindy-zelman/haulin-the-fridge-this-is_b_3386691.html"
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