My recent blogpost about contracted infidelity has been a bit controversial. Why wouldn't it be? I pointed out a new trend for couples who agree to a marriage where affairs are part of the contract.  This is bothersome to the traditional marriage defenders, including me, and it makes people very uncomfortable just to discuss it.   There is a lot of energy spent on defining and defending opinions about what marriage is, so I thought I would offer yet another challenging way to think about marriage.

There are two kinds of marriage, in my opinion.  There is the "sacred" marriage and the "secular" marriage.  Sacred marriages are bound by God  and tied to faith, ritual, religion and spirituality.

Secular marriages are not dependent upon a church and they are simply a contract between two people agreeing to remain committed to one another.

Is there a place in the world for both kinds?

Actually...there IS a place in the world with both kinds.  Since 1999, France has had both marriages and civil unions as a way for couples to commit to one another.  Initially created as a way for homosexual couples to acknowldege lifelong commitments to one another, civil unions have now become primarily heterosexual arrangements.

 

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Comment by Meagan Frank on February 28, 2011 at 2:08pm
I think we all have a right to  our own personal beliefs about marriage.  The key is to feel secure in our beliefs without needing to judge, ridicule, or attack people who have their own beliefs too.  You offer a great example of that Rev. LaWaughn!  Thanks for sharing your view. 
Comment by Rev. LaWaughn Rouse on February 28, 2011 at 7:48am

Marriage created by God is the only marriage that I promote. With that being said however I don't

judge anyone for what they choose for their life. I feel that we should have the right to

choose and as long as my choice does not harm anyone else then I do me and you do you.

 

Comment by Meagan Frank on February 28, 2011 at 6:24am

Great points ladies. @Cathy, I absolutely agree about the "secret infedelity is true infidelity"  Open arrangements are something else...I don't quite understand how they work, but it is different than deception.

@ Muriel, I agree too that when two people are happy in their own arrangement, it should not matter to an outside observer.  I think so much of the judgment people have for one another is partly because they feel the need to defend whatever choices they make in their own relationships.

 

Thanks for commenting.

MMF

Comment by Muriel Jacques on February 27, 2011 at 12:01am

Hi Meagan! Thanks for your posts, it is good to start a debate.

I agree with you: there are different type of unions. You can also get married in a church, or at the registry office, or just have a civil partnership (the famous PACS in France). That said, being faithful or not is, I believe, part of a different arrangement...One that I am not sure I understand (and thats despite the fact that I am French) but if two people can be happy with it, then why not?

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