“Perfectionism is the voice of the oppressor, the enemy of the people. It will keep you cramped and insane your whole life, and it is the main obstacle between you and a shitty first draft.” – Anne Lamott

I have been reading Anne Lamott’s book, Bird by Bird in an attempt to kick start my writing. Her quote on perfectionism hit me in the heart. You see, I’ve been in sort of a writing funk. Well, let me rephrase. I’ve been in a creative writing funk.

I have been writing. Blog posts, tweets, random emails, Facebook status updates, I just haven’t been working on my novel. This summer, I told myself I was going to put a major dent in it, but so far…nothing. I haven’t even opened the document.

I started this story (I’m almost ashamed to say) years ago. Back in 2007 an idea struck me, as it often does, and I began to write. I excitedly churned out 10 pages, more than I’ve ever been able to before, and I declared THIS time, I’d finish a book.

Well, it’s 2010 and I’m still not finished.

I used to rationalize my lack of ability to stick with a fiction draft as just being bored. And I am a poet, after all. I love crafting terse lines, drawing up haunting images, and telling a story without having to go into every little detail. This ability has sort of spoiled me. My poems rarely stretch the length of a page, and usually, I’m able to say what I need/want to say in very few stanzas. But being short on words and lines does not lend itself well to novel writing. And dammit, I want to write a novel!

I didn’t realize my problem until I came across this Lamott quote. “Perfectionism is the voice of the oppressor…” I am very hard on myself when I’m writing (anything). I will write and rewrite, trying to get each word just so. Writing a novel is not only an exercise in patience (which…I have none), but it’s also an exercise in being able to let go. I struggle with just letting go. It’s hard for me to put it all out there, even on a page. I am always holding back. Always second guessing myself. Always searching for…perfection.

I’ve noticed my quest for perfection has not only manifested in my writing, but also in my life. I recently started seeing a therapist and he pointed out that I have super high expectations for myself and when those expectations are not met (in my own mind), I feel like I have failed. This is a huge problem. Not only because meeting said expectations are nearly impossible and I’m not superwoman, but because it has caused me to just be stagnant. Instead of trying and failing, I simply do not try. Hence, my novel starring me in the face for the last…three years…without much progress (55 pages).

But today is a new day, and the universe is urging me to let go. My therapist and Lamott are both cheering me on, so I’m going to give it a try. I am going to let go of my quest for perfection and just write…no matter how bad turn out to be. I’m just going to write it all out and hope I have something to work from.

If there’s one thing I know for sure, staring at this story, agonizing about every word, line, phrase is not getting it done. And I want to get it done.

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She writers,
What stops you from just…writing?