She Writes on Fridays: 6 Things I Learned from NOT Writing My Next Book

Deborah Siegel says goodbye to the book that will not be.

Last month, I decided to walk away from my next book. I am giving back the advance. I realize that saying this here on She Writes, a virtual room of 8,000 writers, many of whom dream of publishing a first book, may sound callous. Or cavalier. That's not my intention. Instead, I’m telling you this because I want to share what I’ve learned: Sometimes, you must say no in order to say yes.

The reasons I walked were complex: The downturn, and my sudden need to become my family’s primary breadwinner. A difficult pregnancy, during which I was unable to travel to do the reporting I'd proposed. The length of time between finishing the proposal (February 2009) and being able to leave my baby twins long enough to travel and conduct interviews (March 2010). Ultimately, the timing of my life just didn’t sync up with this book, and by the time I was ready to dive in again, my passion for the topic had waned.

I'll be forever grateful to the house and to my editor for having had faith in the proposal—and in me. It was not without angst that I let them down. I thank my writing group from the time, Matilda, for their stalwart encouragement and savvy edits. And my husband Marco, who supplied material for the book and artwork for this post. Hey wait--this is starting to sound like more an acknowledgments page than a eulogy. I'm supposed to be moving on.

And I am. I am not one for regret. I’ve learned from this experience, and it is my nature—and She Writes’ mission—to share. So here we go. Six things I’ve learned from NOT writing my next book:

1. DON’T plan to do the bulk of your reporting while pregnant. You just never know. ‘Nuf said.

2. DO publish shorter pieces on your topic along the way—blog posts, magazine articles, whatever you can do that, preferably, of course, pays. This way, if you end up needing to walk from the larger project, your thinking will have gotten out there and all your hard work on the proposal won’t be for naught. (If interested, here are links to some of the pieces on my topic that I wrote along the way: Slate’s The Big Money, Recessionwire)

3. DO tell your editor as soon as you know if, for good reason, you’re not going to be able to deliver. Many writers drag it out, hiding from their agents and editors. Many just slink away, without offering to give back the advance. My agent and my editor both thanked me for my integrity. My editor asked to see my next project when I was ready. She was disappointed of course, but she entirely understood. My agent still takes my calls. He even just took me out to fancy lunch.

4. DO let yourself mourn the loss of the project. When you’re ready, as career coach/writer/SW member Shari Cohen says, “clear the shelves.” I have yet to pack up the small library I had amassed on my topic, but when I do, I know it will be a kind of ritual goodbye. (In Shari's words: "These earlier parts of myself were precious; they spoke about an earlier passion, like photos of an old lover.")

5. DO share your experience. Ok, maybe you don’t want to blog about it. But promise me you won’t skulk around for too long feeling the shame. Just the other day, I learned from an author I greatly admire that she, too, had recently given back an advance for good cause. Know that you’re likely not alone.

6. Lastly, DO forgive yourself. Know that you will write another book. Or maybe even this book. But if so, it will be at the right time.

Saying no to my next book, though a heart-wrenching decision, has allowed me to say yes to something else: developing She Writes. While I miss being involved in a book project right now, I know I will be again. And when I am, maybe it will be through a different kind of publishing platform—one where the length of time from pitch to publication is shortened, one where the audience is built while the book is underway, one that blows conventional publishing out of the water. We have a lot in store for you—and for ourselves—here at She Writes. So whenever I feel sadness about the fact that I put this particular book project back on the shelves, I remind myself this: She Writes is larger than any one book.

Coda: I’m still working on number 4 (mourn) above. So tell me She Writers, since it’s Friday and on Friday we write: What have you said “no” to that's enabled you to say “yes”? If inspired, write a post about it, ping me through the site, and I’ll feature a handful as “Editors’ Picks.”

Tags: #process/craft, book proposal

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Comment by Rita Arens on November 10, 2010 at 9:11am: Holy wow. Thank you so much for sharing this!

Comment by Barri Clark on April 15, 2010 at 9:33am: Thank you for your thoughts. I recently walked away from completing my Masters in Creative Writing. The
writing itself is stacked a foot high next to me and the proposal was "that close." But the energy was gone.
I started writing a funny detective story instead. It makes me laugh. The Thesis made me cry. Thanks especially for your numbers five and six. Life and writing go on.

Comment by JoAnne Braley on April 14, 2010 at 4:46pm: I'm newbie. You say publish pieces on your topic along the way. Can you still use those pieces in the book?
Also, can you sell short stories, and they get them published in a book later? Don't the people have claim on that? So, I suppose if you blog part of the story, or put it in She Writes, you can still gather all the pieces together and have a book? I've never had focus long enough to think about a book, but I would like to write short stories, as I've written my observations for a writing class and they like them. I have no idea where to start about publishing, but see offers of classes on such you pay for online. Thanks, and good wishes for you to get started again. What you are going though is mind-blowing...been there, and would never think of writing a book during babyhood living!

Comment by Michele Wucker on April 14, 2010 at 4:35pm: Bravo -this was moving and thoughtful.

Comment by Amanda Johnson Moon on April 14, 2010 at 3:44pm: Thumbs up!!!

Comment by Patricia Busbee on April 13, 2010 at 10:48pm: WOW, this was such an honest and powerful post.
I have almost reached the end of my MFA program. I am unable to complete it due to a family crisis. The money, books and time that have been invested make this decision difficult.

I have a massive manuscript that I am in the process of editing. The manuscript is about mothers and daughters, both adopted and biological—a family search.

My daughter is currently missing in Egypt and I can’t bring myself to complete the work. It’s too painful combing through our family history. Yet, as I walk a way this too feels like a loss. Sometimes we don’t get easy answers. I am grappling with both truths—I have to walk a way in order to give myself some space to heal—yet that choice brings up strong emotions.

Right now I need smaller pieces to work with and I need to be able to work within my own time frame. I am going to focus on a collection of essays. Your writing helped me to put things in perspective.

Thank you.

Comment by B. Lynn Goodwin on April 13, 2010 at 9:55pm: I love the angle and the honesty. Thank you so much for sharing this.

Lynn
www.writeradvice.com
Author of You Want Me to Do WHAT? Journaling for Caregivers

Comment by Hollye Dexter on April 13, 2010 at 5:52pm: I said no to an amazing job opportunity that many of my friends would have given their eye teeth for - in order to keep working on my book. I really struggled with it because I needed the money, and in this economy, to have a golden opportunity like that fall into my lap was unbelievable. But I passed. And then I stressed about it. Days later, I received an email from a literary agent who was interested in my book!

Comment by Deborah Siegel on April 12, 2010 at 7:22pm: I love hearing your say-yes-to-no or rather say-no-to-say-yes stories Hope and Nona and Rachel and Gena! I am in ridiculously good company here, for SURE.

Comment by Nona Willis Aronowitz on April 12, 2010 at 9:48am: This is a great post! I once turned down an extremely well-paid one-year internship that would have put me straight on the path to some mainstream magazine job. I felt like an ass about it for a little while, until I got to have an amazing, eye-opening time in Brazil, then went on the Girldrive road trip across the country and published a book out of it! Now that magazine which offered me the internship is laying off people left and right. Meanwhile, I've had the time and freedom to really formulate my ideas and figure out what's important to me--jobs-wise, politics-wise, and media-wise.