She Writes on Fridays: Writing Memoir, and Living It, Too

In beginning to write more memoiristically, Deborah Siegel asks how much distance to put between the moment and its memory.

A few weeks ago, my parents gave me a City Mini double stroller—a mercy gift, intended to replace the clunky Double Snap 'N Go babytrain I had pushed through snow and ice. Now, between meetings in the city and rushing home to take care of the babes, I can venture into stores without knocking down clothing racks! I felt giddy, the way one might when one unexpectedly finds oneself the owner of a shiny red Ferrari. After an uncomfortable pregnancy, bed rest, and a C-section, Mama's got wheels. Only now, I’m moving too fast.

Apparently, I’m not alone. As recent reports from the Center for American Progress (Our Working Nation) and Pew Research Center (New Economics of Marriage: The Rise of Wives) attest, mothers are now primary breadwinners, making as much or more than their spouse, or doing it all on their own—in nearly 4 in 10 families. We are working longer, harder, and still doing the lion’s share of housework at home. With all my wheeling and dealing in the outside world, I’m loathe to blow by the increasingly sacred moments of being with my twins, who, as they say, will only be five months old once.

So in an effort to slow it all down and take it in, I’ve turned, as many of us here do, to writing it down. Recording this transformation to new motherhood, and occasional happenings with my twins, is allowing me to be more present. Eventually, I may try my hand at turning it into something more, because I wouldn't be me if I didn’t have inklings toward a next book. Which brings me to this week’s She Writes on Fridays dilemma, one I throw out to the memoir writers:

How much space, and how much time, does one need between a moment and its memory? In this era of blog-to-book, there are many who record life even as they’re living it. But is there really such a thing as memoir in motion, and if so, is it any good?

(If She Writers are into this topic, I’ll create a discussion thread in the Memoir Writers Group where we can continue the conversation started here!)

Tags: #nonfiction, #process/craft, memoir

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Comment by Deborah Siegel on March 30, 2010 at 12:15pm: Christine, thank you for your thoughtful words ("Sometimes, the word writes themselves through our hands - but we need to listen to our hearts to know when we are ready") and Zoe for your encouragement. I just created a thread over in the Memoir Writers Group in case we'd like to continue the convo there! Here tis: http://www.shewrites.com/group/memoirwriters/forum/topics/writing-m...

Comment by Christine Macdonald on March 30, 2010 at 8:22am: So true! I have journal entries, poems and letters I wrote (not to mention photos) and they are invaluable!

Comment by Zoe Zolbrod on March 29, 2010 at 8:29pm: I think no matter whether you end up writing the book sooner or very much later, the writing-in-the-moment will be invaluable. I recently uncovered a store of old journals, and I couldn't believe how much my very vivid memories of some things differed from my original account. Even when I read back on jottings from just a year or so ago, I sometimes surprise myself. Good luck!

Comment by Christine Macdonald on March 29, 2010 at 12:51pm: I think it depens on the author's story, their personal attachment to it and how much time it takes to heal, for some. I am writing a memoir about a decade-long career as an exotic dancer. It took me twenty years to write the story down, although I knew I would write about being a drug addict and stripper one day. Sometimes, the word writes themselves through our hands - but we need to listen to our hearts to know when we are ready.

Comment by Deborah Siegel on March 28, 2010 at 7:39am: Thank you for these comments Julie, Judaye, and Doreen - I will definitely start that thread over in Memoir Writers and we can keep "talking." I really appreciate hearing your insights and experiences.

Comment by Doreen McGettigan on March 27, 2010 at 10:12am: As my book was created from a 7 year journal I kept after the murder of my brother I have to say it turned into a sort of life in motion. I intended it to be a 'true crime' story and it grew into a memoir because it turned out it was about me and how the murder impacted my life. I wrote the moments down as they happened and they just kept happening. In my case I feel it will have been 11 years ago next month that my life was forever changed..a lot of people ask me why I waited so long to write the book..I would love this thread..

Comment by Judaye Streett on March 27, 2010 at 8:56am: I agree with Julie's comment about the fluidity of reponse to memory. Maybe it's like rereading a book. Everytime a person goes back to the book or memory something new is perceived. How much time should pass before writing would depend on the skill and needs of the writer and/or reader. And perhaps the memory would need to be written about more than once.

Comment by Julie Polk on March 26, 2010 at 11:33am: I'd love that thread! (and may still need to join the memoir writers group :). In the meantime my immediate answer is that I don't know that it's so much a question of good or bad as it is a question of initial-moment impressions likely being one-dimensional vs. the possibility of much richer reflection later - but it's a question that I think is endlessly interesting. And fluid, for that matter. Hmmmm.