The dreaded "who vs. whom"

I used to work at a PR agency, and I once gave a grammar workshop to all our employees. When I got to the "who vs. whom" part of the presentation and tried to explain the two using parts of speech, one of the women in the room gave me a blank stare and said, "I will never understand parts of speech. Can you please just tell me when to use who and when to use whom so I can just memorize it?"

Nearly everyone in the room nodded along, eager to understand something that clearly had them mystified.

If you're confused about the difference, you're not alone!

So with that in mind, here you go, plain and simple:

1. If you can classify the person/people you're discussing as HE, SHE, or THEY, use WHO or WHOEVER:

Example A: If you could say, "SHE answers the phone first," the correct usage would be "WHOEVER answers the phone first gets a free copy of that song."
Example B: If you could say, "HE runs faster than everyone else," the correct usage would be "The person WHO runs faster than everyone else wins."

2. If you can classify the person/people you're discussing as HER, HIM, or THEM, use WHOM or WHOMEVER:

Example A: If you could say, "Math is hard for HER," the correct usage would be, "She is someone for WHOM math is hard."
Example B: If you could say, "You want HIM to have the phone," the correct usage would be, "Give the phone to WHOMEVER you want to have it."

I hope this helps those of you who have trouble with parts of speech. Whoever still has questions, feel free to discuss in the comments.

Happy New Year!

-Maria

Maria Murnane is the best-selling author of the romantic comedies Perfect on Paper, It's a Waverly Life, and Honey on Your Mind. She also provides consulting services on book publishing and marketing. Learn more at www.mariamurnane.com.

Tags: grammar, pronouns, vs., who, whom, writing

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Comment by Donna Ashby Moore on January 13, 2013 at 3:55pm: Short and sweet and easy to remember. Thank you!

Comment by Michele Tracy Berger on January 6, 2013 at 10:05pm: This was so helpful--I want to print it out and keep it with my writing materials. Thank you!

Comment by Mary Guzmán on January 4, 2013 at 5:28pm: Thank you.

Comment by Jagoda Perich-Anderson on January 4, 2013 at 11:28am: This is the clearest explanation I've ever read, and easy to remember. Thank you.

Comment by Renate Stendhal on January 3, 2013 at 9:15pm: Very fun. I love grammar. Gertrude Stein LOVED grammar. A writing client of mine recently quoted the leader of a boot-camp for marketing who asked her, "Are you ashamed of whom you are?" Nice little dilemma. You are ashamed of whom? But who are you?

What would you say? I will tell you how I solved her problem...

Comment by Maria Murnane on January 3, 2013 at 1:53pm: @Teresa, it is "I want to talk with whoever answers the phone." The second clause trumps the first one. :)

Comment by Teresa K. Thorne on January 3, 2013 at 1:16pm: Thanks for this. It clears up 99% of the problem, but I still have a question.

[Warning: Grammar Talk alert]

I am usually clear, but occasionally get stumped when there is a clause whose subject is a "who" or "whom" and the whole clause is the object of the verb. In 1b, you have a clause that modifies the subject, so that isn't the same as my question. Let me see if I can come up with one...

I want to talk with whoever answers the phone.

I want to talk with whomever answers the phone.

To me the first choice sounds right because "whoever" is the subject of the clause. But the clause itself is the object of the verb, so...Help?

Comment by Danyelle C. Overbo on January 3, 2013 at 1:09pm: Beautiful, now if only I could get the tricky comma rules down....

Comment by Maria Murnane on January 3, 2013 at 12:31pm: ha ha thanks Kimberly! :)

Comment by Kimberly Llewellyn on January 2, 2013 at 1:55pm: Love this! You make the who vs whom challenge easy to understand. Hopefully now, my grammar will be Perfect on Paper! Thanks!