As I write this, I am waiting to hear the outcome of yet another writing competition I entered several months back. As in, today is the announcement day. But have I been checking my email since last week at a rate only a crazy person would understand? Yes.

I gathered up a bunch of words I thought sounded good together and sent them into an abyss in which thousands and thousands of other words--whose creators thought the same of them--were submitted. And while I wait, I alternately cheer myself up and tear myself down.

It’s agony.

Here’s a sample inner monologue:

Angel Me: I think this is going to be it...third time’s a charm!

Devil Me: It’s your fourth time.

Angel Me: But this one is funny. Everyone said so.

Devil Me: You used bad words. You’re a bad writer.

Angel Me: Bad words are okay these days. They’re funny!

Devil Me: Then why didn’t you get an email yet. Did you check today?

Angel Me: Maybe they’re waiting until the last minute, right before they announce.

Devil Me: Right. They want to surprise you--like you’re a four-year-old getting a pony. 

Angel Me: Let me just check my email again...

Devil Me: If you haven’t heard by now...

This goes on ad nauseam in my poor brain. I make adjustments as the days go by. I haven’t heard yet because:

  • It’s a holiday
  • It’s the weekend
  • They’re afraid if they notify the winners too soon, they’ll be so happy they’ll give away the results on social media (I won’t! I promise!!)
  • They actually haven’t made a decision yet
  • They forgot to make a decision
  • Nobody won
  • Everyone won except me...

 

I don’t think I’m the only one who goes through this, but it can certainly feel like I am. Especially when one is on social media (because one has to be on social media if one wants her books to sell). There is actually a phenomenon that relates depression and envy to social media use. Searching Google Scholar for “Social Media Envy” reveals about 75,000 hits. I didn’t read them though because they’re all published authors--or winners--and it would be ironic to read any of those articles right now. When I see my fellow writers and authors proclaim their good fortune on social media, I am mostly happy for their successes. Actually, not mostly...always. Do I secretly wish it were me? Yup. Does it impair my happiness for them? No.

Even as I sit here and with my email inbox notification number stuck at 2 (I mean really. I usually get at least ten spam emails every 20 minutes) I know that whatever the outcome, at some point, I will gather up a bunch more words, order them in a humorous way, slap a clever title on the whole lot of them and send them off again. And again. And again. It’s part of the process of being a human. To go after the thing you want over and over. What’s that thing people say about doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results? It’s insanity?

Or maybe it’s just being a writer.  

Views: 209

Comment

You need to be a member of She Writes to add comments!

Join She Writes

Comment by Michelle Cox on November 27, 2016 at 4:01pm

Love this, Cindy!  Can so relate!

Comment by Patricia Robertson on November 22, 2016 at 12:31pm

I don't spend a lot of time worrying about hearing back from a submission anymore. I just keep putting my writing out there and hope (and pray) for the best.

OUR LEADERS

Latest Activity

juanita Kirton updated their profile
6 hours ago
Sheila Grinell and Katrina Shawver are now friends
6 hours ago
Sana Sheikh posted a blog post

A Brief Overview Of The Banking Services And Products Offered By The Wells Fargo Financial National Bank

The Wells Fargo Financial National Bank has been around for many years. Established in 1988 this bank has been providing its products and services throughout the United States. The Headquarters of the Wells Fargo Financial National Bank are based in…See More
7 hours ago
Thelma Rea left a comment for Katrina Shawver
"Hi Katrina, I joined She Writes because of Sheila Grinell. I heard her speak several months ago at a book club.  I saw her yesterday at the Local Authors' event and she told me you invited her to speak at the PWC. Thelma "
7 hours ago

Members

Badge

Loading…

© 2017   Created by Kamy Wicoff.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service