This IS a self empowerment blog and there is NO place for blame here. When you blame someone for your predicaments, you give away your power and remain a victim. So before I go all Dr. Goddess on ya'll....here's the drama....
Hello, my name is **** and I was in a relationship with *****. We and I met on August 22, 2010 and there was an instant connection. He owned The Suite (lifestyle club) in Windsor and I was instantly impressed that he was an entrepreneur, he drives a Land Rover so he must be able to take care of himself financially and he is very attractive and well educated. Seeing all this, I thought he was too good to be true. I was right. *****l noticed that I was very financially stable and looking back he started tapping into my funds almost immediately. Not only did he go after my money, he beat me down and tried to isolate me from my family and friends. He is an ex-Marine so he is trained on how to accomplish that goal. I was a very strong woman and never in a million years did I or anyone that knows me ever thought I would be beat down and taken for what he got me for. So to the point, in April I had to move to Indianapolis for work which my company helped me financially do. ***** needed money for advertising his dating website that he has been trying to launch for the last year. I gave him $3000 to do this in exchange for his furniture that he was storing. Six weeks ago he called me and said he was destitute and needed $3750 to get his Land Rover back from the mechanic. He then said that he would look for a job in Indy and move in with me and re-pay me monthly. ***** came to Indy and I took care of him like any woman in love would do for their man. Spending money, gas for his vehicle, food, etc. On Friday, July 13th I returned home from a business trip to find that he had taken everything he could carry and fit in a UHaul. He left me a note stating that he was claiming bankruptcy and that he would name me so that I would not get any of the money he owes me. Here is some of the information that I have been able to collect on *****. Yes he will tell you differently and you will believe him because he is that charming and believable: All three of the properties he brags about have been foreclosed on and 2 were well before the economy turned. He’s on bankruptcy #2. He has 5 children that he has never taken care of financially or otherwise. He only claims 2 (he had an affair on his wife and impregnated the other woman, those are the 2 he claims) and he only talks to 1 because the others will not talk to him. He brags about working at Ford and Microsoft but both of them he was fired from. He has many women that he is sexually active with/hustling or trying to hustle at all times. I used to shake my head at the TV when a woman was conned by a con man. It amazed me that these women did not see the signs and run. I now understand them unfortunately and so do many of women before me as I am finding out. He is good at his job of conning women and is nothing but a worthless piece of human flesh. He normally preys on white women because black women are smart enough to see through his bullshit. His 2 favorite sayings are “You hurt me, I kill you” and “Single for life” (S/B “Find them, use them, destroy them). All the women before me have kept their mouths shut on what he has done to them. He has put the fear of God (which he truly believes he is and says frequently) into us that we better never put his business out on the street. Well, I will never see the $13k that he has taken from me so until I get it back I will be putting his business out there.
Being a victim of someone else's greed, selfishness, dysfunctional behavior, or abuse is always very upsetting. It takes time to heal and digest what happened and why. Sometimes there is just no reason. Bad stuff just happens....or does it?
Here it comes and this might offend some but oh well...deal with it. Everything in our life we have chosen. Yes...that gorgeous bull shitter...we chose to stay. That trip to the mall that got us in that accident, we chose to go. Our gambling husband that spent the kids college fund...yes we are still there because we have chosen to be there. The choices we make in the present moment create our future reality. It's called free will and we all have it.
I chose to date a sociopathic personality like this also. I finally got out. He was bad and it was scary. He'll probably be on Dateline one of these days. At first I was angry. How could someone do this to me? Then I was mad at myself. And embarrassed
HOW COULD I ALLOW SOMEONE TO DO THIS TO ME??
Through all the years of consciously working on overcoming co-dependent tenancies I chose THIS nut!! And on top of that I allowed him to treat me like crap and drive me NUTS!! Shame on me...no one else.
We want to get even so bad. Ali McBeal moments of wild speed bump races with their body or becoming a voodoo high priestess and well...you get it! But this brings nothing but bad things back to us. Reality is people like this rarely change. Posting his smut on the internet won't save his next victim and it won't bring back what you lost. It's a waste of time. A loser is a loser is a loser. Leave it be.
The only thing we have control over is ourselves. That's it. When we give too much we have to realize there is a reason behind it and it's not because we are too nice. That's crap. It's control. We give thinking that will control someone.
If I pay for this he will see how much I care and how committed I am and start paying next time and he'll love me back.
If I keep my mouth shut and not speak my feelings it will bring about peace in the house and he'll love me more.
If I toss the booze and throw out the drugs he won't drink today.
If I dress sexy and become a convenient sex fiend, he won't cheat.
This is all delusional thinking. It's controlling and manipulative and it only keeps us in a sick cycle of being a victim of an unhealthy situation. That's what being too nice is all about. It's about us trying to change someone into someone that they are not. Doing this is a waste of time and very frustrating. Being under constant stress rescuing someone all the time isn't worth it. It causes health problems, an imbalance of our spiritual energy and reduces our self worth.
Taking responsibility of our choices and embracing our mistakes brings us into reality. Our world is what we create. The things and people in our life are a result of our inner beliefs about yourself. When we subconsciously think we don't deserve love we attract those who are unable to give it.
We all deserve good things in live, we all deserve love and we are all here for a purpose. I believe that person I dated was there to teach me a lesson. A lesson on being naive and not ignore my instincts. A lesson in putting myself first and only allowing those who are on the same path as me in my intimate space. I heed the red lights and I've learned to let go easier.
People and circumstances come and go to teach us about ourselves. Will we pass the buck or will we take the challenge and evolve with the lessons we learn in this life?
We are never alone in our life journey here and there is always someone who can relate to our situation or heartache. Sharing your story is healing and helps us move on. Support is important when over coming personal issues and fear that hold us back. Education is key to growth. Learning new concepts and ways of thinking and acting will help change old self defeating patterns.
So be the Goddess or God you already are and be kind to yourself. Life is a roller coaster and once you begin your ride you won't be able to get off!