I met a friend of mine for drinks the other night to catch up and share about the holidays. We went to a lively pub just down the street from where I live. It’s a favourite spot of mine: there’s always a good crowd, and the cozy atmosphere makes me feel like I’m sitting in my living room – albeit much louder. As we sat and talked, our voices became part of the growing chorus of Friday night post-holiday gatherers coming together to set the tone for the New Year.
Reflecting on our different holiday experiences, I realized that I had some sadness related to my family. Even though I love going home and being with my siblings, parents, nieces and nephews, I often leave feeling a bit disconnected from them.
Living in a different province from where I grew up makes me notice how quickly life changes. The short time together after months apart really highlights how my choices and values differ from those of my family. Living a life outside of where I grew up makes me feel worlds apart from the people I felt so connected to as a child. And sometimes I feel like they just don’t agree with my choices and lifestyle. I find myself hiding who I really am or editing out certain parts of my life.
As a result, I come away from the holidays feeling happy from the comforts of home, while at the same time, frustrated by certain conversations, upset by disagreements, and deep down, feeling like I don’t belong.
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