I just had a mild freak-out. Okay, who am I kidding, it was a major freak-out. Life seems to be whizzing past me and the things I want like money, sustenance, a lover to cuddle, aren't materializing fast enough. So I exploded all over my telephone, my mother on the other line, doing her best "It will all be okay" rendition. 

It worked. She managed to calm me down, stop my tears and help me realize the irrational person I was being. Mothers are great that way. 

As I hung up with her, after venting my frustrations on being overworked and success not coming (I said it was major) I realized that success wasn't coming because I wasn't meeting it half way. All my life I've wanted to be a writer (literally, since I was five). I'm still paying a university for an English degree that hasn't gotten me any closer to a published book. I've been writing an inspirational fashion blog for five years that still feels half-baked in my mind. Yet and still, I haven't been committed to really writing and moving the needle on my goals and I'm learning that wanting to write is not the same as writing. 

I sat done to my computer, pulled Google docs up on my screen and copied over all of my notes from scribbling into my cell phone on the train. It's a start. It won't guarantee that I won't have another meltdown, but at least this time it won't be over me wanting something that I haven't put true effort and time into. 

Views: 9

Tags: epiphany, fajr, meltdowns, muhammad, writing

Comment

You need to be a member of She Writes to add comments!

Join She Writes

Comment by Fajr Muhammad on July 31, 2012 at 6:34am

Thanks for the kind words Nya. I am encouraged and will use this to propel me. 

Comment by Brook Blander on July 30, 2012 at 9:14pm

You've began, now keep moving. Starting is the hardest part and you have done that. These breakdowns are all bad. Their our soul's little reminders that we are off track from our purpose and desires.  Label it as that, take the lesson from it, and apply it to motivate you forward. More breakdowns will come, indeed. But they decrease as your moving in your purpose and gift increases. Be well. 

Brook Blander

Author, Poet, WriteLife Coach

http://www.brookblander.com

http://www.ebonylotus.com

Latest Activity

Lynelle Clark commented on the group 'Novelists (Struggling or Not)'
"Announcing a Sale for my book A Pirate's Wife, a Historical Romance with action and adventure between the pages. To makes this interesting I have add a daily post on my blog to learn more about the characters in the book.Today May 23, a news…"
17 minutes ago
Surya Kumar posted a status
18 minutes ago
Lynelle Clark posted a blog post

Interview with Dorine White about her New Release The Emerald Ring

1.       Where did the idea come from for the book?       I have always had a love of Ancient cultures, plus my favourite reads…See More
1 hour ago
Profile IconKirby, Norah Jansen and AJ Wiliams joined a group
Thumbnail

Novelists (Struggling or Not)

Novelists - published or not - chatting about beginnings, muddy middles, dang endings, what to do with it all. Please don't shout (all caps, big images) or post links on the main wall except as part of the conversation. Please do include modestly…See More
2 hours ago

Members

Badge

Loading…

© 2013   Created by Kamy Wicoff.

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service