Controversial: Chapter 1 - Making a Mess With the NHS
It may not have felt like it was the right thing to do at the time but I had done it anyway. Despite being originally born here in England, returning seems to have been a mistake. I felt hated and inferior. Unemployed for the first time, my three degrees were rendered useless. I was alone. I found myself in the midst of an awful mess. I was fighting to stay alive or at least get through without getting locked up in the mental health ward again. I was beginning to think I should, lie, that I would be better off, except I never was a good liar. That left being less brutally honest. Though I had prided myself on my honesty, it now seemed to be alienating nearly everyone in what seemed to be an alien country. It no longer felt like home. I wrote to friends. My sanity was in writing to friends… in America in the middle of the night joking (and crying) about the fearful happenings of the daytime and the opinions forced upon me by professionals that seemed to think the NHS and social services knew me better than myself or anything I had to say. I checked with them to see if I was still sane or if indeed I had gone, as they say, off the deep end. That fear of self doubt began to ebb at my consciousness. The British public may complain about the NHS (complaining seems to be an art form and a right of passage here) but I have not met a member of the public yet that would want free public health abolished. The NHS is a massive system here in the UK because the people are very proud and protective of it. The only one of its kind in the world, The NHS market system is now completely entrenched. Caroline Molloy's 2014 article in 'Open Democracy' speaks of demoralized staff comparing the NHS to Stalinism. Saying that, I have been most surprised at the happenings over the past few years. Finding someone that wants the NHS to be abolished would be nothing compared to what I have to tell you over the next few chapters.

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