Moments of grief
Written by
September 2014
Written by
September 2014

"Some of our resistance to going into transition comes from our fear of this emptiness... Before we can find a new something, we must deal with a time of nothingness." ~William Bridges

"Seed" by Jeanie Tomanek

I woke up from a deep sleep and felt an overwhelming sense of sadness. In the brief moment between sleep and consciousness, I noticed a cold, hard lump in my stomach, but had forgotten what it was. Only a second or two later, the sadness came rushing back like water released at the gate of a canal and I was swept in. My tears came, filling up the space that had been empty and vacant only seconds before. 

In some ways, the tears were a welcomed relief, breaking the silence of the Nothing that had now become a normal part of me. 

Within the vacant and expansive cavern of the Nothing – that cold, hard, underworld non-reality of grief that finds its way in between the nooks and crannies of our defenses – we don’t know who we are, and the mornings are the most poignant. Fresh out of the in-between-place of the dream world, sadness can be all consuming. 

Later, when we brush our teeth, get showered, make tea, sit down at the computer and begin the rituals and habits of the day, we may become distracted, voluntarily lost in the details, until our grief slips neatly back into the cracks of our psyche. For a while, we may even feel normal again. And we can breathe. 

But in those early morning moments, we are closer to it... Continue.

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