Love Makes a Way
Contributor

    The end of my first ever blog post (on AmandaCheryl190 Blogspot) goes as follows, "I'm standing at a new door. I never thought I would make it to college, never mind be ready to graduate. My cap and gown is hanging up in my closet, along with a cord, pin, and medallion showing my accomplishments. Whats behind the door? Where will I go next? Who will I meet? I'm ready to turn the doorknob and walk through in to an endless world of opportunities! So many new adventures, experiments, people, and stories. At the very least there will be a new circle of society to people watch ;-)". I never could have imagined what was next.

    My whole childhood worried a lot about peoples opinions. As I grew, I still hadn't leaned enough about myself, or life, to really own my views. I just wanted to fit in. How was I supposed to think in order to be included? I never really felt excepted by society. I never felt I belonged. Where was my place in this big, wide world?

    In college said I would live with no regrets. My first blog is even titled "One Step Stronger: No negative experiences, only learning one adventure at a time :-)" I was going to build my life however I wanted. Nothing would leave a negative impact. Life was going to be one big adventure of building my list of accomplishments, so I could say my life amounted to something. At least I had fun. At least I would have a story to tell.
    The stories I was gathering weren't making me feel more accepted. They more stories I told, the more judged I felt. I wanted to be like everyone else, to do things everyone did, so I could make a connection. Why did I still feel disconnected? What do I have to do to be "in"? 
 I felt lost in a whirlwind of questions, hopelessly looking for answers.

    During college I put up blocks in the lines of communication with my family, and after I did the same to my friends. I didn't know what I wanted, but I did know I didn't want to hear even half of another opinion of what I should do. I just wanted to be left alone. Alone!  I wanted to hear myself think. How to accomplish that was the bigger task. 

    There were so many voices pounding in my head I didn't know which was mine. Many questions flooded my mind constantly: "Who am I?", "What should I do with my life?:, "Is there real purpose to anything I do?", "Does anyone really care?", "Did I make the right choice?", "Am I good at anything?","Can anybody hear me?". The questions are end less. My mind was utterly consumed with doubt, fear and bitterness. My mind was like a collection of many hamsters running on there own very squeaky wheel, filling me with confusion. I was literally at a stand still, "treading water" through life. I felt so empty

    School told me my degree meant I deserve credit. It made me entitled to value, to purpose. All the work I did and information I learned was going to be worth the cost. It was supposed to set me apart. Why didn't I feel like that?  Why did I feel invisible and insignificant?

    Then, I met Justin and my heart slowly opened. One night, while we were out on one of our regular wandering drives, I became so utterly overwhelmed by how much I love him! The feeling consumed me, and I was amazed I could feel this much. It was especially crazy to feel all this for someone who was still more a stranger then anything else. Then, as if the latter was a slight-of-hand decoy, a second, more powerful wave crashed over me: If this deep love for a near stranger is possible, God's love for me must be massive! The second thought was more surprising then the first. I hadn't considered God in a number of years. 

    He was out of my picture. Beyond that, I was very bitter towards the Church and everyone who called themselves Christian. I grew up in a young Christian home and attended almost 6 years in private Christian schools. In my late teens I saw hypocrisy and pride under every rock. I felt like it was all one big joke. I wanted no part in such trickery, so I ran. I lived to please myself in the moment. I would satisfy myself with a regret free adventure into my own pleasures. I would find my own "truth". Up until that moment in the car, I was living in my own little world. Then, God reached out and ignited a spark in my heart. Light made a tiny pin prick in my heart, and love began transforming my life! 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2jFlW_j4G1A Hawk Nelson: Crazy Love

    What have you seen of God? Has He revealed anything to you? If not, how would your life change if He is real and is all the things the Bible says He is? What if everything you cling to now is a lie? Would you even want to know the truth, or would you like to stay where you are? Could there truly be a bigger purpose for your life? "So I tell you to ask and you will receive, search and you will find, knock and the door will be opened for you. Everyone who asks will receive, everyone who searches will find, and the door will be opened for everyone who knocks." Luke 11:9-10. Wholeheartedly ask, seek, and knock. He will move in your life, because He unconditionally loves you. He wants nothing more then for you for find Him. What amazing love!

 

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