She holds her breath and floats, under the water in the bathtub. A public area, anyone could see. I see her there often. Her long brown hair floats out behind her. Her face, eerie like death, eyes open. Her breasts are young and lovely, the brown hair where her legs join....Scary, eerie, her face like death. She is like a mermaid, some kind of crazy water doll. Or an eerie dead angel.
* * *
The starfish--my brother and I, when very young, at the beach. Salt water. We caught a few starfish in our hands, also used a cup. Ran to show our parents the starfish, didn't realise they would die when left out of water. Their arms reached out to me, seemed happy, joyous somehow, then they died.
* * *
When a teenager, I grew up in the Stockade, the historic district of Schenectady, NY. There was a swimming pool there, owned by professor from Union College. He bred/grew begonias as a business, so the stone walls surrounding the pool were lined with lots and lots of different kinds of them. I loved flowers and plants, so it was really nice to swim among them.
Nearby a small greenhouse stood filled with many flowers, shock of colors, greens, pinks, reds. Inhale deeply of the rich greenhouse scent, fecund, cloyingly gorgeous fragrance. Bending over slightly, smelling the sexy blooms.
My mother liked to go there too. She was always a gardener, and dug in the dirt, relishing it. Generous, she would often give of herself, the blooms she'd cultivated made into a "tussy-mussy," actually a French word I did not know how to spell.
Mother swam every day in the summer, too, even early when it was still Spring and the water too cold, aqnd into Fall as well when too cold.
Ever since she died I have missed her, and remembering, looking back, brings that "recollection in tranquillity" that Wordsworth wrote about.
I remember when, so many times, I stood by the edge of the pool, preparing to dive in. I took that deep breath and plunged
in, holding my breath and swimming under water for a very long time. Then I came up for air, my hair floating behind me.
I loved my life.