• Carol Hand
  • Lets Uncomplicate Relationships Through Christ
Lets Uncomplicate Relationships Through Christ
Written by
Carol Hand
April 2012
Written by
Carol Hand
April 2012

The passages below are from Stephen Arterburn and Pamela Farrel's book, "Devotions for Women on the Go"



"When I see that people have a deficit in his or hers relationships with other people, I see that they have a deficit in their relationship with God. When we are rightly relating to God, we gain the ability to rightly relate to others. The key is to discover what is missing in their relationship with God." 



"Look at your relationships-Is there an unhealthy pattern? Now transpose that to your relationship with God. Invest in your primary relationship (with God), and you may see improvement in all your secondary ones (with people)."



These are such simple truths. Working on your relationship with God is a simple process of committing time and effort to prayer and devotion. Why do we sometimes see relating to God as an overcomplicated duty? It doesn't have to be overcomplicated. It really is as simple as devoting time and effort to prayer and devotion. These simple things have powerful effects on how you feel about yourself, your relationship with God, and in turn, your relationship with others.



We tend to over-complicate our relationships with people too. Why do we do this? I think it's out of self-interest. Take my ex-husband for example. When something bothered him, he wouldn't talk about it. Instead he'd just stop talking to me, wouldn't even look at me. I'd walk on egg shells around him, and he'd give out annoyed sighs when we got in each others way. After so much of that absurdness, I'd pester him until he told me what was wrong. That was when he told me all the things I was doing or not doing that was making him mad.  




Uhmmm, ok why didn't he just communicate with me right from the start? Why did he give me the, "I'm mad at you, but wont talk to you and tell you what's bothering me." treatment for hours, or days, or even a week? Well, it was his way of stewing, not thinking I would 'get him' if he just talked to me, his way of punishing me, his way of huffing and puffing around me enough to make me feel bad. It was in his self-interest to break me down a little bit before talking to me. It really doesn't matter anymore because we are no longer together. However, its demonstrative of other relationships in my life, not necessarily romantic, but selfish and complicated. Do I see an unhealthy pattern? Yes, I do, and it bothers me a lot.  It's why I've just been trying to focus on the healthier relationships. My healthier relationships are indeed less complicated.




The less complicated a relationship, the healthier it is. The more Christ centered your relationships are, the healthier they are. I don't mean to say that all your friends and family need believe the same things you do. However, if you're a Christian, be centered in Christ, and you will gravitate to the more healthy and less complicated relationships. Words like, "I love you," "I care about you," "I appreciate you." are simple and powerful. Don't over-complicate those phrases with big fat 'buts'. Life is just too short for painful complications that are unnecessary. I spent over 10 years in the above described marriage. I am not on the look out, but I do look forward to finding that one that simply loves me, that can say, "I love you, I care about you, I appreciate you." without the complications. I don't need to rush into another complicated relationship just for the sake of companionship. It will be so sweet and so worth the wait to have that simple and Christ centered relationship someday.

Let's be friends

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