Written by
Michelle Russell
April 2012
Written by
Michelle Russell
April 2012

           I do believe that we get what we need in life, and that includes people, circumstances, lessons, and blessings. Everything in our outer environment is there because we created it, and attracted it to us for a reason.  This is not a `beyond control meant to be`` scenario.  We have free will, and the power to achieve what we want, and where we want to be in life.  My belief system puts me at the wheel.  If I`m brave enough to dig to find the root cause of my thinking and actions, I have the power to change it.  I believe that in our day and age, we have access to unlimited knowledge and help. There is no excuse not to make your life or your children`s life better.  There is no excuse for blame. There is no excuse for repeating bad life patterns and cycles. There is no excuse for staying in and subjecting your children to a dysfunctional and negative upbringing.  Today there is no excuse for much. We are very blessed to live in a time where people are embracing change.  People are more supportive and open minded than in the past.  And most of all we have a wealth of knowledge and healing power at our disposal.

     As we go through life, and the many hardships life throws us, often we wonder how God could allow such horrific things in this world to happen.  Whether neglect, poverty, over indulgence, drugs, sexual abuse, or alcoholism, we have all been affected directly or indirectly by these things.  Instead of being angry, or repeating the same mistakes over and over again, we can always change our present circumstances if our will is strong enough and we make a choice and do the work.

         We always need help and support when we do healing work.  We are not alone, and It`s always comforting to know that someone understands and is there for us. I have always reached out for help and knowledge just because of the obvious fact that I don`t know everything, and I want to make sure I interpret and process what I learn the right way.  I have met some very inspiring people, and honour those that have made a profound difference in my life. 

     Throughout my process, I have read numerous book, both spiritual and psychological, gone to parenting groups, 12 step groups, counselling, reiki healers, and doctors.  That`s a lot but that`s over 20 years. I`ve made some very wonderful friends and mentors by going outside my box, and seeking knowledge and embracing my path for healing.  By embracing my weaknesses, faults, pain, and family history, I have gained imence personal power, vision, empathy, and self confidence.  The more I understand about myself, the more I understand about others.  Going to groups and seeking help and support from others helps you see that you arn`t the only one in your situation.  There is always someone who is in the same spot, and often times in a worse one.  Meeting with others helps cultivate empathy and patience and an open mind with others. We learn skills that we can use to help others gain inner strength and healing.

     Waking up each day is a great experience, but for many it`s not.  The stress of living on top of our psychological scars sometimes makes getting through a day very challenging.  Illness, loss of a job or a loved one, bad relationships, depression, loneliness, and regret weigh heavy on most people these days.  Taking time out to be with ourselves or others in an uplifting environment is very important.  Surrounding ourselves with people who will influence us in a positive way is very important for change and comfort.

     Sometimes change is big.  Most people wake up one day, look at their life, and say..WTF!  Sometimes we need to get rid of everything and everyone.  Especially in a chemically dependant situation, or and abusive or neglecting relationship, the first to go is the friends and spouse. After we start the ball rolling sometimes even more has to go.  We need to be patient with ourselves when going through big changes.  Change is hard on every level and takes time to adjust. Having people around who understand this process will make this transition easier.  Not only are there physical changes, there is the psychological and subconscious that need to adjust.  This is the most uncomfortable.  We want to go back to the old and comfortable, we rationalise and make excuses to yourself that it wasn`t that bad.  Realise that this is a normal part of change and our mind needs to let go and grieve the old to embrace the new. Be kind to yourself and keep moving on. Cry, punch a pillow, write a journal or a blog, or talk to a trusted friend. 

     As I found out in life, as we change and evolve our outer environment does also.  As we change, you will attract different people in your life and let go of some. Some people will just go by themselves. Sometimes your circumstances will get worse before they get better.  That`s what happened in my case after I left my husband. It was a very hard road of fast change, hard loss and eye opening lessons, but looking back it was worth every tear I shead and mistake I made.

     I left my newly mentaly ill, secret life husband, my house, was forced to claim bankruptcy, lost people that I thought were family and friends, and was in a pit of depression without realising it.  I was very angry at my circumstances and was a hate filled bomb. Those of you who have gone through a divorce get it! And I think bomb is being polite. I had two children ages 5 and 8 who were angry also because their father abandoned them and their mother was stressed and juggling a survival circus act!

     During that time of ridiculousness and chaos, I attracted some not so great friends and boyfriends.  As unsure and unstable with life as I was, so were they.  From someone in an unhappy relationship who`s husband became obsessed with me, to jealous hateful women, to a charismatic crazy Ted Bundy type, to bad personal support which deepened my horrible depression and skewed judgement.  Yes stress causes you to do some yucky things out of character, but such is life, and our delicate psychological balance.

     By taking responsibility of my choices, I realised that I was being resistant to change. In turn I was given the same lessons to learn over and over again.  Every time I didn`t `get it``, the lesson repeated, sometimes with the same people and always the same pattern. I put myself in those positions to learn and to gain inner strength. Through cleaning out my life, I have gained confidence in myself, and most importantly, my boundaries. Growing up in an abusive home, you always have boundary issues. I used to enable and allow people to step over my boundaries.  I`ve learnt to set boundaries and stick to them and not feel bad about it.  Too bad if someone doesn`t like it.  This has brought about a lot of confidence and inner piece. I don`t do anything I don`t want to do, nor do I welcome just anyone in my life. I also am honest with others with how I feel, even if they don`t like it.  Setting boundaries teaches others how to treat you. 

     Talking to those that are professionals also helped.  Mad at myself for listening to someones blank, hokey spirital advice, that in turn made myself and others misserable,  I went back to my doctor and went on an anti depressant. What a difference and what a lesson.  Always make an educated decision when it comes to your health.  If you have a chemical imbalance, you need medical attention to fix that.  When you become back in balance, then incorperate alternative therapies and councelling so you can hopefully go off the medication.  There is no shame in treating your depression or hormonal or medical issues, just as there is no shame in treating diabetes, your broken leg, or high blood pressure. Holistic healers and spiritual professionals will never limit or prevent or advise you to follow just their way.  There are many avenues of help and therapy our there and everyone is different and some have more health issues to heal than others. 

     There are many avenues to help reduce stress and be around positive people.  You can join a gym, a yoga class, an interest or hobby group, or just take time to be with yourself.  Start a journal and write our your feelings, meditate, enjoy nature.  Even though things might seem unbearable, sit down and write down what you are thankful for. Gratitude will help you feel some inner peace, and bring more of what you are thankful for to your life.

     So take a chance and do something different.  If you`re one of those people who need a change, don`t hold back.  Go talk to someone who will support you and give you good advice.  In order to make a difference in the world, with our children and our future, we need to take responsibility for our own change and evolution.  Only then will we pave the way for future generations and be able to be a strength to others who are striving for the same.

Here are some links if you suffer with depression, or you think you know someone who might need help.





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