Stale, boring sex....wtf!!
Contributor
Written by
Michelle Russell
March 2012
Contributor
Written by
Michelle Russell
March 2012

  At my age I hear this all the time from my fellow femmes and man friends.  Everyone seems to be doing it...having bad sex.

     "There's no romance, The spark is gone, I'm just too tired, I'm too fat, I don't like my partner, my partner is too fat, I don't care anymore, it's too much work (as a girl, a lot of time needs to be put into that G spot to make it worth it), and just plain Yuck!" The list goes on forever.
     In the beginning everything is so exciting!  He's so romantic, you go out on dates, you spend the time to pamper and love each other and heshe could do no wrong.  Then as time goes by you get comfortable and complacent.  He's late all the time, she chews funny, we just focus on the kids and we're sooo tired. 
     Then there's the whole male thing.  They're hunters by evolutionary nature.  Once you get the kill, your mission is complete. You got the prize, you won!!  Then they sit back with their trophy, grab a beer, and watch their favourite show.  Men by nature love to be comfortable.  They are terribly simple creatures that like things to be simple, quiet and easy.  As a woman, I would love my life, and my psycosocial makeup to be like that! It's sooo less complicated!
     Men and women are very different in every way and for a good reason. It's called evolutionary survival.  Physically, emotionally, energetically, and mentally, we function very differently.  So of course we are very different sexually as well. So after the thrill is over, our hard wired and social differences set in and suddenly it's not as much fun.  More frustrating if we don't understand how different men and women are and how we can use our differences to our advantage.
Strange Sexual Fantasies     Men are driven by sex more than women.  They think about it more, seek it out more, and know specifically what turns them on and what doesn't.  Women are more influenced by their environment, and by social and cultural influences, and often times aren't in tune to what turns them on sexually.  How we get aroused is different also.  Men are visual, women are emotional.  That does not mean that men do not seek intimacy, love, and connection in a relationship, just as women do. They just view the role of sex differently. Women want to talk first, connect first, then have sex,.  For men, sex is the connection. Sex is the language men use to express their tender loving vulnerable side,  it is their language of intimacy.
     Here's another difference between the sexes: how often they have an orgasm during sex. Among men who are part of a couple, 75% report that they always have an orgasm, as opposed to 26% of the women.
     Women may be more open to same-sex relationships thanks to their less-directed sex drives.  Women have the capacity to become sexually interested in and fall in love with their own sex more than men do.  Homosexuality is a more fluid state among women than men. In another broad review of studies, researcher Baumeister found many more lesbians reported recent sex with men, when compared to gay men's reports of sex with women. Women were also more likely than men to call themselves bisexual, and to report their sexual orientation as a matter of choice.
     So with all our gender differences, how do we come together and actually enjoy and keep the spark in a sex life that seems to be doomed right from the start?
     I personally think education is the key.  If your partner means that much to you, you should educate yourself on how they are different.  When I first met my partner, he made a comment that really stuck with me. "Why do you expect me to act and treat you like a girl would? I'm not a woman and I don't want to be one. Just like you are not a man and I shouldn't expect you to be like one.  If I wanted a "like" partner, I would have chosen to be gay."  WOW!  Yes ladies, we are guilty of wanting our men to be more like women.  We want them to be turned on by romance, candles, foreplay, and talking.  Reality is most men just play along to please us.  Most men just need a good visual, some dirty talk, and...action! Very simple.
The same goes for the men out there. Surprise guys! If you want a consistently horny woman in your life, you need to educate yourself on how to get us to that point. A lot of work...yes...but so worth it if you want the steamy hotness of your sex life to survive. I think its more work for the man half of the relationship because it's such an effort for them to logically wrap their mind around what makes females tick emotionally, let alone actually try and be romantic and take the time to stimulate us women and meet our needs. So men out there, listen to your female half when she says she's bored or tired. Put in a little more effort. Most of the time it's the little things that fuel a woman's sex drive. A little note of love or thanks or a sexy text usually does it. Random acts of kindness saying you're special work wonders. We all need that little bit of reassurance and positive feedback to give us the warm fuzzies. Helping out around the house is a biggy also. Women are more open to having sex if they don't have a million things piled up on their plate and on their mind. 
     Next we need patience, and I think as women we need a bit of humour.  It helps to lighten the situation and not be so hard on ourselves and our partner.   I have a terrific sense of humour and get a kick out of my man half trying to be romantic and meeting my needs.  He tries so hard, even though I can pick up he is sooo uncomfortable doing it.  I think it's cute and his effort makes me feel special and worth it and is a turn on in itself.   This makes me want to try to meet his needs also, so once in a while I bring out my slutty wear and of course the one foot stilettos that go with it and give him a run for his money.  Sometimes the sex is great, sometimes it's not.  Such as life.  It's important not to takeblunders and hard times personally, have a sense of humour with it and move on. Taking the pressure off your relationship is a big plus when it comes to sexual performance.
      Something else that is fun to keep the spark is to meet for a date.  Getting ready together is sometimes monotonous, predictable, and boring.  Seeing your spouse take a pre-date dump while you are trying to do your makeup is not hot, just like watching you yank up your spankx takes the filling out of his twinky.   Meet up after work, for lunch, for a drink, or a hot hook up session.  This is exciting because it combines role playing and a bit of nostalgic fantasy.  You feel like you're newly dating again! 
    Having the freedom to be open and honest with your secret fantasies is a big plus in a relationship.  What turns you on is probably different than your partner, so talk about it and have some fun!  If you like to role play, why not!?  How about adding some steamy porn or sex toys to the venue?  If you are too shy to visit the local sexy store, then go online and browse through an online store or web site that will give you some ideas to spice things up.  Purchasing from an adult online store is always private and shipping is always in an unmarked box if that is a concern to you.  Also online stores usually have a bigger selection to chose from and you can search by topic, category, or fetish.
      Lots of men and women love girl on girl play so why not have a fantasy night with that theme?  Sometimes when I'm out with my man half he'll start to play the "what girl would you bring home" game.  As retarded as I think it is, I play along for shits and giggles and by the time the night is over we've had some good laughs and his visual bank is full and he's ready to do whatever I want.
     How about an old fashioned strip tease?  Both men and women like this for many reasons from the show to the control a woman has over her man.  So put on some sexy shoes, a good tune, and some hot lingerie and put on a good show.
      Many women fantasize about having two men. So why not open your mind and let your female partner have some fun whether its with some multiple hot man porn, dirty talk, or fantasy play at a lifestyle club. Some couples I know who have been together for a while have joined a swingers or alternative lifestyle club where they make their fantasies a true reality.  Some people have dominance or submissive fantasies.  To others having sex in public is a real thrill.
     There is something out there for everyone, so be creative and non judgemental and the temperature will be sure rise a few notches.  The key is to always be respectful of your partner and to not move faster than the slowest half.  As with any fantasy play, always be in a safe environment and discuss secret cues to back out of a situation or to let your partner know you are uncomfortable.
    So people.....educate yourself about gender differences, be open and accepting, try new things, have a sense of humour with yourself, your partner, and life, and enjoy yourself.  Life is short and goes by fast. Have fun together...in and out of the bedroom!!
    

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