Betrayal and Trust...Marrieds vs. Singles
Written by
Michelle Russell
February 2012
Written by
Michelle Russell
February 2012

     I had a very eventful day today.   It started out great, then moved to horrifically maddening, then the ahas just started bashing me over the head.  I say bashing because I'm stubborn, and reactive.  I also tend to give people the benefit of the doubt too much which tends to lead me into a bad situation or attract people who aren't good for me. When I finally get it, I've been betrayed or disappointed, or have made a few bad decisions along the way and need to learn some big lessons.

     So I had a great morning. That blended into a delicious Valentines lunch with my sweetheart, which turned into a swirl of betrayal and lies that was revealed to me via information highway. Not too happy and quite insulted and of course had to rant about it to my ever so wise date.

     Here's the skinny... As an intuitive person, I always get what I ask for even if it's not pleasant. I've learned to accept the guidance I'm given and have faith that there is a purpose in everything that comes my way and things always work out better and happier when the dust settles. I'm used to change, I'm used to waiting out the tornado.  I don't get as stressed or freaked out as I used to. I've learned patience and I've learned how to be an objective detached observer.  I'm a very blessed and guided woman and I've learned to just ride with it.  My downfall...I'm chicken and drag things out. I'm my worst enemy sometimes.

    Well here's the drama in a nutshell.  For a long while now I've been suspecting someone of not being honest with me.  It was obvious.  People are very predictable.  I knew, and for a long time I just blew it off. What happens? I do a full moon ceremony and asked to purge out those around me that weren't supposed to be around anymore. Only because I am too chicken to just do it myself and I need reassurance that I'm headed in the right direction. Well, yay for me, the heavens thought the same, and the change manifested itself, but a lot more messy than I expected but obviously necessary.   The situation blew up and threw truths around in people's faces that should have woken them up.  I saw it, I asked for it, I saw the bigger picture. ...and observed it play out as my cauldron of universal reality brewed.  After the smoke cleared, I thanked God for showing me what I needed to see. Truth sometimes hurts but I live in reality.  It is what it is. And I'm thankful for the reality check. I'm insulted but not surprised. 

     Last week  I watched a Sex in the City episode about marrieds vs. singles that put it right out there.  I laughed all the way through. It was about how married women feel threatened by single women.  You are the enemy, the temptress to their trapped male half.  I felt like I stared in that episode.  My man half laughed also.  People are funny, insecure, possessive, jealous, and very tacky sometimes but I get it.  I'm human too. I've done it. That's why I can call it.

      Since I separated from my ex over four years ago, friend dynamics drastically changed.  You go from bestest girlfriend to enemy numero uno. Suddenly you become the potential other woman and people guard their man, even if they don't really like them, like a rare gem.  They get mean, hostel and rabid.  Honestly, I don't blame them.  But is a guy who makes you feel insecure worth it?   Men are dogs and many stray. I've had lots bark up my tree and yes, a lot of them lie about being with someone else (which isn't fair and puts you in a really bad spot). Married men are the worst and lots of them are pros at the cheating game.  I know all the lines. I'm separated, I just live in the basement. My wife is abusive, I'm going to leave soon.  I haven't had sex in so long and I'm lonely.  My wife doesn't like sex.  You're so easy to talk to, I'd really like to be just friends. The list goes on and on. The sad part is women stick by them. 

     What was so funny about that episode is that us single gals really don't want your man and if we did you wouldn't know anyway.  Married women blame us single gals for their men's straying. Sorry, but your man shouldn't be straying, or entertaining the idea to others. If a man is devious and you have any doubt in your mind that he's dishonest, he's not worth your time.  It takes two to tango, so put the blame where it belongs, in your own backyard, and if you aren't leaving him then deal with your reality, don't blame it on others.

       I really got a kick out of this Sex in the city episode.  It says it all.  We chuckle to each other, my sweetie and me when we watched it. Singles and marrieds, will they ever work it out?  I've come to the conclusion that it depends who it is.  I have several married friends.  We share private problems, we're very close, and not once do they think that I'm a threat.  They know me and know better.  That's what really hurt about this info I learned.  This person knows me better.  Also this person was being sneaky and was eavesdropping on a static connected call and heard wrong. I also knew that they were on the phone because it picked up and became static. Duh!  I'm also insulted that they wouldn't come to me to clarify what they thought they heard.  I also don't care if they heard my conversation. I don't agree with some things that both of them are doing and the way they think. I suggested professional help. Yes it works.  And yes, it's work.  No magic wand, no easy fix. They both didn't like my advice. Oh well.  

    I'm very thankful that I was with my man other half when I received my very insulting reality check.  His advice was.... You are still the same person.  No matter what anyone says or thinks about you, it doesn't change who you really are.  Don't worry, look at the source and move on.  Don't let negativity ruin your day.  It's their hard lesson not yours. And my can't control what others do, but you can control how you react to it.  Wise man.  That's why I love him so much. I'm raw.  He gets it.  We're honest even if it might hurt.  And that's why I love life. No matter what it throws you, you always have a choice on how to deal with it.  It's all about perception. When we change our point of view, a potentially tragic day turns into an opportunity for growth and acquiring wisdom.

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