Being Authentic - My Inventory and Testimony
Written by
Michelle Russell
January 2012
Written by
Michelle Russell
January 2012

  I always take time to do personal inventory.  I'm a big fan of manifestation and creation.It's very important to realise that our outside environment is a manifestation of our inner belief system. So I honestly look at my environment. My home, myself, kids, boyfriend, friends, work......So I start out asking myself... what goals have I reached, what ones are I in the midst of working towards, and what would I like to change right now and what can I give myself a pat on the back for.  Well in the past year or so I have had awesome inventory sessions.

      This one, I began thinking about all this talk about truth and being your authentic self and love and REALLY....what does that really mean...and how can you truly preach that?  Self love inventory quiz from "the quantum you"
     Well, what I came up with is an honest inventory of myself.  If I want to be an example of authenticity to others, am I really authentic?  Do I stand for what I preach? Can I back up what I say by concrete proof and by being a living example of what I want to stand for? What legacy do I want to leave for my children, and do I lead them by example?

     To my surprise and great delight, with much self pride I had to answer for the most part yes. For a long time I have struggled and worked on myself. I made goals since I was 20 and have worked hard for them.  These weren't material goals. These are self goals. Mental and spiritual goals. I have had to heal, strip off, re program , and force myself to do and act in ways that were so uncomfortable to acquire new patterns in thinking, to shift myself into who I am today.
     Being authentic isn't always pretty. It's not always glamorous and it's raw. It's hard to be authentic. We often think we're being authentic, but because of our subconscious coping structure and makeup, we often don't realise that we're not. Being authentic is about YOU. It's not about our partner, blaming our behavour, lifestyle or choices on others. It's all about YOU. What you are, what you stand for and the non verbal energetic message you are portraying at this moment now.

     So here it inventory. I love my home. My environment means a lot to me so I am very proud of my home. I love my neighbourhood. I love nature and it's in the forest with lots of critters around. It reflects who I am and what I'm about. Four years ago I made a decision to leave my old life. I had to let go of the old. That was very scary and difficult. It's always hard to jump into the unknown. But I did it! And I love my new life. It's better and happier than the old one.   Do I surround myself with people who love me for who I am? Do my relationships respect me as a person? My wants, needs, dreams, and goals? My answer is finally a yes. This is such a huge thing for me because I have always been in unhealthy relationships, wishing they weren't. What I have finally achieved is the outward manifestation of my inner beliefs which are happy and healthy. If you have a partner who constantly makes you unhappy, cheats on you, lies, or you want them to be someone else. You're not being authentic. You're lying to yourself and others. If you take time to heal the things and issues that prevent you from truly loving yourself, then you will start attracting people who do the same. I am very happy that my relationships reflect the way I treat myself. With love and respect, acceptance and humility, embracing both the good and bad traits that make you anindividual .
     Next, my health. Well that's a fun one!! I feel like a kid...really. But my body, that's another storey. I genetically have inherited loads of fun stuff. Depression, high blood pressure and some disorder that makes your extremities numb at random.  I'm a bucket of fun!! I'm not a denial person, I've always taken responsibility for my health in every way. When things have gone very wrong it was because I listened to others and doubted my own intuition about what I needed. Not no more! I think that God has put all the help here on earth for us to utilise. Everything in balance.  We are spiritual, physical, and mental beings. We need to care for all three of these areas in balance. When one is off, the others go out.  I take responsibility for my health.  To live my best life at the moment, I have to be on medication for my depression and blood pressure. If not it's dangerous and disfunctional.  That's reality and I'm good with it. I exercise, I meditate, I journal, I do energy work, and I make sure my meds are doing what they're supposed to.  I've had to change the way I eat, drink, think, tweak the way I deal with stress, and who I share my life with. As I change, my body is changing. I can't put chemicals in my body. They make me sick. I have to eat cleaner, limit my alcohol consumption and be conscious of my environment. It's a pain sometimes but it's all part of the path I've chosen.
      I'm very proud of myself because I'm pro-active. I teach my children that no matter what you're thrown you're ok and you can get through. My daughter has a learning disability. She's gone from defiant behavioural issue to self assured, confident leader taking regular classes. She's pro active. My son has gone from depressed self destructive bully to a polite, more outgoing happy self assured little boy. Mind you we're still growing, still changing, still overcoming obstacles that come up every day.  Life skills, positive coping, self awareness, love and acceptance is our family motto.  I get down about my health sometimes but then it gives me the opportunity to look at what I'm blessed with. It gives me the opportunity to be human and share the same support with others in the same boat. I know lots of woman who are going through health issues like mine and have been through the same changes. They give me strength, and I give them strength. I'm blessed with the ladies in my boat.
      My most kids. As long as we learn from them, that's what counts. I really enjoy being me and share that with my children. In turn, my kids are comfortable with themselves. They both have learning issues and were abandoned by their father. I'm sure that the abandonment will always be a painful spot with them, but they have learned to overcome their depression and self doubt through the faith I have in them.  I've always been there, no matter what. I love them no matter what, and I think they are awesome no matter what.  I've taught them to love themselves no matter what and that being different is a blessing and that will make them successful.  They also know that outside help is always available and it's a source of strength. Knowledge is power. Fear and denial leads to shame. They are awesome no matter what difficulties they have and to always be proud of yourself, even though you make mistakes.  My children are flying! I'm very proud of them. They are good beautiful kids and I've done a great job as a mom!
Children learn from example. If we are uncomfortable with our self, judge our self harshly, or immerse them in a relationship full of conflict or chemical use, they will grow up to mirroring what they learned. So when you find your children lying, acting out, or angry all the time, or not wanting to be at home, it's usually a by-product of their environment.  We need to take their behaviour as a message that we need to change our self or the message we are communicating in our environment or behaviour.
     Being authentic is exactly just that. Being honest. Are you a drinker and smoker preaching healthy living? Are you in a turbulent relationship and not happy but saying you are with your soul mate? Are you preaching one thing but judging others and being abusive or controlling behind closed doors? Are you busy either in denial or covering up our yuck that you don't realise your real impact on others?  We all have been in that place. Change is uncomfortable, it's hard, it takes effort and often times we need to lose a lot before we get where we need to be. I did it. I'm still doing it. I evolve every day. I learn every day. I lose and gain every day. I love it!

     Self love involves so much. It means being ok with who you truly are. We are all a ball of negative and positive wrapped in one.  I'm truly ok with the mistakes I've made in life. They're mine and I own them. I am definitely not perfect and I'm really good with that. I have a lot of good qualities also and I'm good with that too. I have no problem being my authentic self. If others don't like it...oh well!!  I am human and really enjoying it...most of the time. I'm not afraid to share my mistakes, my low points in life and bad decisions I've made. Through them I am who I am today. When I pretend to be someone who I'm not, it gives off a conflicting energy to others, it tells me that I'm not being authentic.   Being ok with myself helps others be ok with there own human selves and lets them know that they are ok. I love my life and those in it. I have abundance in every way. I turn my deficits into opportunities for growth and to help others coping with the same issues. My children are fabulous and teach me how to be the best person I can be. Always be a witness of truth. That's when you truly touch others is when you are being authentic.



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