This Woman Actually Said to Get a Sperm Donor. Yes, Really.
Written by
Regina Y. Swint
January 2012
Written by
Regina Y. Swint
January 2012

Welp. Just finished a lengthy Sunday afternoon conversation with my mom, who advised me that she's willing to wait about 3 more years for me to have a baby. That's right around the time the mortgage will be paid off, and she can sell the house and travel with me and the kid.

Never mind I don't have a husband. "So, get a sperm donor," she says. "I don't mind you having a baby when you're old. I want a grand baby." Thanks, mom. Yeah. Thanks for that.

Did we somehow forget that I'm forty-fucking-three years old, and I don't even have a boyfriend?  What's that?  No problem?

"...The Army is full of men...Just stop being so picky.  You don't even have to marry him...You don't need child support...You can afford a baby." 

And the best one, "Just gotta think about how happy that would make me before I die...Pretty, pretty grand babies..."

Yes, she played the death card.

So, on the chance that there are others, and I know there are others out there who go through this with the people who love us (moms, dads, well-meaning friends, etc.), I just want you to know you're not alone.  I've had this topic thrown at me so many different ways, from so many different angles, I can just about tell you what to say back and how to say it.  Guaranteed to shut them up about it for at least a month...unless you chat every Sunday.

Let's be friends

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  • Regina Y. Swint

    Hi, Susanne!

    Thank you for reading and commenting.  I'm at Fort Drum, New York.  I do know of one female doc who was deployed with us while our regular doc was on R&R leave.  I haven't seen her since we returned, but I remember her being super nice during the time that we were there together.  I'll try to see if our doc can put me in touch with her, and share her contact info with you.  That'll be next week some time.  We're on a 4-day weekend right now.  Thank goodness for that.  And I'll give some thought to some other docs you might be able to reach out to.  I know one of our medics was stationed at Walter Reed a couple of years back.  He may know of a female doctor or two who can help with your research.  I'll let you know.  :)

    As for the baby, I just don't know.  I have faith in God, and I believe that His timing will determine whether or not I have any children of my own.  It's bothered me off and on for years, and with my mom tossing in her two cents every chance she gets, it's kind of hard for me to think about without getting depressed.  I did consider adoption, but I haven't looked into it since we got back.  Med school at 39 is pretty cool, by the way.  I suppose one of my reasons for putting off looking into adoption is my fear because of my age.  I'll be 44 this year, and I wasn't sure if the agencies frowned on us after a certain age; but seeing your story, I'm encouraged.

  • Suanne Schafer

    Regina, I adopted an interracial baby at 45. Somehow, we kept putting off having kids because we "couldn't afford it." Then suddenly I went to medical school at 39, and lo and behold, there was no "good time" to have a baby with 8 years in studies. 

    Since you are just back from deployment, where were you? I need to pick the brain of a female doc who's been in Afghanistan for current novel. Any suggestions? I have a Air Force doc friend who has flaked out so often that I can't rely on her for the info I need.

    Any SheWrites female docs out there who served in Afghanistan who'd let their brains be picked?