FCC and Rug Turds
Written by
Dani Alpert
December 2011
Written by
Dani Alpert
December 2011

If you've been reading my blog, and I don't know why you wouldn't be, you know that I am very sensitive to television volume. See this blog. Well, I'm happy to report that the FCC has weighed in on this very heated, and all important topic of turning down commercial volume.

It's the calm act of 2010 and has to do with excessive commercial loudness. You know what I'm talking about. You're watching, I Hate My Teenage Daughter
and all of sudden you hear, "DO YOU WANT TO SAVE MONEY ON CAR INSURANCE. GEICO, IT CAN SAVE YOU 15%," at a volume that would wake the dead. But now commercials will have the same average volume as the programs that they so annoyingly interrupt. Glory be.

I know many of you were also wondering how my office was shaping up. Well, I was making progress but then I had a bit of a setback. I bought a rug several weeks ago at Home Goods. It was an 8x10 for $299. Although this is a lot of money, I didn't think it was excessive for such a large area rug. I thought I was getting a bargain and pretty darn proud of myself for spotting such a good deal.

I shoved the rug in the back of my Mini. It was a tight squeeze to say the least. My boyfriend was thankfully home and helped me unload it and bring it into my office. He had to leave but I decided that it couldn't wait and so I tried to lay that baby down by myself. It's a large wool rug, which makes it uber heavy. First I had to lay down the non-slip padding. That shit really works. Once it's down, it's down. I couldn't position the f'er where I wanted it and I started to sweat.

I unrolled the rug, using ever ounce of strength that I had, and tried laying it evenly over the padding. I was at it for a good half hour. That was funsy. When my boyfriend came home, he looked at the rug and said, "I'm not sure it really goes and it's uneven." Fuck. He asked me if I had a pad underneath and when I nodded in the affirmative, he said that I didn't need one because the rug was so heavy, it wasn't going anywhere. Hey, thanks, where were you an hour ago?

I think he took pity on me and helped me roll up the rug, remove the padding and relay the rug. Great. Nice and even.

Three weeks later.

I couldn't stand the rug. No sofa matched it and it shed. A lot. At first I thought that if I vacuumed it often, then the shedding would stop. It didn't and it got ridiculous. The rug coated my socks with its teeny tiny fibers just after walking across the room, and the fibers were migrating into other rooms in the house. I decided to vacuum one more time... just to what? I knew it was a piece of crappy crap. Why was I wasting my time? Because I probably had some writing to do and this was a valid distraction.

As I vacuumed, the fibers weren't being sucked up. Instead, they turned into fiber balls. What? And then the light on my vacuum went off. DANGER! DANGER! WILL ROBINSON! I opened the canister, or rather I tried to open the canister but it was stuck. When I finally got it opened, this is what I found.

 Get out of my sight!

My boyfriend and I moved my two ton desk and I rolled the crappy crap rug up and immediately returned it to Home Goods.
The moral of this adorable tale, "You get what you pay for."And I obviously paid for a rug that shed lint turds.

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