As a young girl I often heard my Mom say things to my Dad, or to no one in particular, such as: "What happened to all the bananas, I just bought a bunch yesterday and they are all gone!" My Dad was a big guy, and yes, he did eat a lot of bananas! Or when my Dad, who loved to entertain and cook Italian food for his family and friends, invited over twenty people into our home for a meal, my Mom would react with anger, "Why does he always do this!!!!- he is going to take over my kitchen!" My parents would proceed to cook together, arguing as they worked. In my Italian family a lot of the bickering was over food: what to cook, how to cook it, and who was going to get the credit for the results.
I "learned" at an early age that my Dad did not do things as my Mom wanted things done and she frequently made this known to me and my brothers. For many years of my marriage I found myself repeating this behavior with my husband. My husband, the gentle, patient man that he is did not respond. That is, at least for a while. You could say I was lucky. Maybe not. As Charlie began pointing out the criticism that I directed towards him, he also reminded me of my Mom's reactions to my Dad's actions.
At first it was difficult for me to hear this truth. I was young at the time and was not sure how to change my reactions to my husband, and at times I did not want to. It was comfortable, this behavior of mine.
What great advice- fall in love with your husband again. We so easily get into a rut of routine and forget what we originally admired about a spouse. My husband and I pastor a senior congregation and it is wonderful to see older couples still so in love with one another. Their teasing is gentle and their appreciation for their spouse shows in how kindly they treat each other, in spite of physical problems brought on by age such a deafness and forgetfulness. I hope I remember what I have learned in observing them. I also realize that there are too few couples in their eighties and too many widows.