To Be Continued Or Not
Contributor
Written by
Bridget Straub
July 2011
Contributor
Written by
Bridget Straub
July 2011

The following is something I wrote the other day just to get into the writing mode. Should it be disgarded or should I continue to explore this?

Jessica

“I wouldn’t go in there if I was you,” her father warned.

    Jessica dropped her sleeping bag on the couch and made her way over to her father’s chair, taking note of the beer bottle on the table next to him.

“Did you miss me?” she asked, leaning down to kiss his cheek.

“Have you been gone?” he smiled up at her.

“Only for the past three days!”

“Of course I missed you,” he answered, but she couldn’t help wondering if he really had.

    Lately things had been less than serene around their house. It seemed as though someone was always fighting with someone, be it her brother and one or both of her parents, or her and her mom, and of course her dad and her mom.

“What is it today?” she asked rolling her eyes.

“The reviews are in and they aren’t good,” her father laughed, quickly adding, “but you didn’t hear that from me.”

    She nodded. Her mother was an actress and a very good one, but the reality was that her latest film had been a questionable choice in the first place and over the course of filming, her character’s role had changed dramatically.

    Eyeing the pool just beyond the French doors that led out to the yard, Jessica kicked off her shoes, and announced that she was going swimming.

“Take your stuff upstairs first,” her father told her.

    She didn’t want to and groaning, stomped over to the couch, picked up her sleeping back and started for the stairs.

“Jess, is that you?” her mother called.

“Yes”

“Get in here and say hello” she said coming out to greet her.

“Dad said you were in a horrible mood,” she couldn’t resist laughing.

“Oh please, your dad is an ass,” she smiled throwing her arms around her. “I missed you like crazy!”

“No you didn’t,” she said disbelievingly.

“Of course I did. Why would you say a thing like that?” she asked looking to her husband. “Steve, are you hearing this? Why would she think such a thing?”

“Just a thought,” he said, “but perhaps it was the way you yelled at her to just go before your head exploded, as she left.”

“I didn’t do that. Did I do that?” she asked stopping to consider. “Okay, well maybe I did, but you know you’re my baby Jess. I always miss you.”

“Okay,” she shrugged.

“So put this down and come talk to me, I’m baking some cookies.”

    Her mother bounced off towards the kitchen and her Dad threw a couch pillow at her as she followed her mom.

“Way to be a team player,” he said under his breath.

“Love you too,” she laughed.

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Comments
  • Rebecca J. Lower

    You're welcome. I've noticed that it's hard to get a response here, too, so don't feel alone in that.

  • Bridget Straub

    Ouch. Okay. I have to say of all the things I've posted, at least this has gotten a response.

  • Rebecca J. Lower

    Really? I appreciate it.

    The first thing I noticed in your writing here is a very normal tendency to end quotes with actions that are not possible. For example, how does a person shrug "Okay"? Or how does he or she say something disbelievingly? The trick is to make the character's words do the heavy lifting here. You might want to pick up a decent book on editing, like
    Renni Browne, Dave King, "Self-Editing for Fiction Writers, which will help you catch little things like this.

  • Bridget Straub

    Ok, so i'm guessing that's a no. LOL! You have every right to your opinion. I asked for it, right? Your honesty, as well as the hesitation that comes with it, is refreshing.

  • Rebecca J. Lower

    I want to be honest with you, but I'm afraid people will jump on me for it. People say we have to be encouraging and uplifting here.