For a whole two weeks I have been urging my friends to go hang out at a dance club, because all I want to do is dance and dance! And let the stress out! I want to dance to great music, the music that you can only feel from the depth of your ligaments to the human soul. I have succeeded in dreaming about dancing until I have failed to move my legs to the dance party!

There is always a problem with the club. Kafiya & Mena, say Africana as a club is sketchy but the music is good, Bianca does not like Swiss Club, April has practically kept quiet on me, I wonder what I did! Annie & Meghan did not want to go out dancing but stay in dancing. Tiffany has been trying to get me to go over to her dance clubs (Purple - on a Boat along the Nile), Ace (in Maadi with loads of prostitutes), Some Club in Garden City that does not seem to have a name but we can get in free (even more sketchy!) Am not even sure I will enjoy the music. So last night I decided that  Tiffany, Bianca, Ehab and I would go out,. Bianca could not make it because she had just returned from Siwa; understandably she needed to rest and get back to herself. So I had to wait for Tiff & Ehab to watch an Egyptian movie and then go out with them after.

Well, after spending the whole day in the Desert, New Cairo- using the library with two other human beings whom my sister , Ruth thinks will become skeletons with me in the library, I  was knackered. On the way back  to Cairo, I slept off awoke up drooling and staring at the lady opposite me. She did not even smile because she had been doing the same thing(maybe not drooling). Anyway I got home really way out of myself, watched Tiff dress up, cooked dinner, watched Hotel for dogs,  and slept off setting my alarm for 10pm when I would be waking and going off to a dance party!

Woke up to a strange ringtone…(having changed my ringtone earlier on I could not recognize that it was my phone ringing.) Well Tiffany had sort of given up on me, after sending me texts of places we could go to. I bailed out again, on my own idea. Am sure she has given up on me. Yet am starting to wonder whether I really want to go to a dance party or is it just a fantasy. Really I want to dance, but I want to do it in an environment where I feel safe ( just as always, I want to feel it!) am not feeling now, just wanting.

So I had this fantasy, that I would be out dancing, sit down for a bit, a man , a dark bronze, strong man with lips like Wayne Marshall’s walks up to me and smiles. Sits down, tells me how I caught his eye, hold my hand and kiss it. Our eyes meet and we connect like he is the one I have been waiting for all my life, we talk endlessly about life and good things and poetry. And he recites a poem for me, he tells me a few things about me that I think no one else can figure and am hooked. So this fantasy makes me want to get up and go, but am sleepy, am enjoying dreaming of this fantasy, yet am  so sleepy and tired and my brain cannot stop thinking human rights law that I choose to just keep sleeping.

And this morning, I realize I think I prefer the fantasy more than anything else. So I choose to pass on the dance club because I do not want to ruin the fantasy. But even I, know that living a fantasy is way too dangerous especially when this fantasy starts to become a dream; because as I live it, life passes me by. So am  back to studying now and writing right, so that I can at most get my Masters sorted. For this is one of the realities in  my life.